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j4

shadows of echoes of memories of songs

Name:
Janet
Birthdate:
5 May 1978
Location:
External Services:
Schools:
Janet was invented in 650 AD when a wandering druid needed a quick solution to the problem of converting stones into beer. He failed to patent his invention, however; a disaster for the druid (whom history must reluctantly consign to anonymity) but a blessing for entrepreneurial 'Saxon metal' bard Geoffrey Heafodbanger, who persuaded the druid to swap his invention for a magic bean. From Heafodbanger the secret of Janet was passed down from generation to generation, whispered from seventh son to seventh son, refined (though you mightn't guess it) and reconfigured, finally becoming the complicated mustelid maintenance process we now know.

Six feet tall, two inches wide, and made entirely of platinum except for a single thin strip of paper, today's Janet would be wholly unrecognisable by Geoffrey Heafodbanger; but any druid worth his mistletoe would sense the mythical continuity between his original invention and the modern methods.

History does not record what happened to the magic bean, though a certain family in Somerset are suspiciously reticent about the techniques by which they regularly sweep the board at village shows with their prodigious vegetables.

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-lessnesses, 09-f9-11-02-9d-74-e3-5b-d8-41-56-c5-63-56-88-c0, allusion, altered states of consciousness, androgynes, anglo-catholic guilt, anti-beige, apple ][s, armchair theology, badgers, being a library groupie, better living through casuistry, body modification, books, cake, cambridge, chalet school, charity shop clothes, choral music, classification, clearing out sheds, clever people being stupid, constrained writing, cooking, crafts, crosswords, cyborgs, dancing, deviation, dictionaries, donkey konga, dragonslaying, dreams, eat you head, eleven!!!11!!1, elitism, etymology, face pyjamas, fewer, flirting by proxy, folk music, found things, fratboys (slim), goth denial, hedonism, hesitation, how green is myspace, hypertext, indie, information management, internet dialects, internet pashes, irony, jargon, joni mitchell, juggling, karate, kate bush, kinky boots, knives, language, leather, librarians, linguistics, lists, literature, livejournal, lol*, lyrics, macs, medieval mysticism, mensonge, meta-everything, mindwarping, more badgers, morris minors, mountains, musicals, mythology, nakedness, non-consensual word-games, not having seen films, nothing connects, one-up-uncool-manship, oneoneone!, ox.talk, ox.test, oxbridge, oxbridge.tat, oxford, oxnet, pissing in the memepool, place and placelessness, plausible deniability, playing piano, pornography, postmodernism, pragmatic idealism, puns, quotation mutation, real ale, repetition, repetition, rez, samuel beckett, school fiction, scrabble, sensualism, sex, shamelessness, shiny things, shoes, singing, small steps, suede, surviving in the inch, suzanne vega, swan facts, switzerland, swords, synaesthesia, t. s. eliot, tag-hags, tap dancing, teh, terrrrist-proof knitting, tetris, text, the chairman's game, the london underground, the matrix, the sound of music, thinking outside the idiot-box, tori amos, trains, transparent society, txtspk, uk.misc, usenet, victorian erotica, wearing black to weddings, web2.0, webmistressing, wings, women, word games, word torture, yet more badgers, you are here, you'd think, zen nihilism

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