Janet (j4) wrote,

Of mice and men

More oh-so-subtle dispatches from subconscious to conscious mind, via the Department of Dreams.

In the first part of last night's dream I was carrying a small animal in my hands [it occurs to me that I've had quite a lot of dreams recently which feature this], it was supposed to be a mouse in the dream but it was actually more like the size of a rat. It wasn't moving around much but I was terrified that I was going to drop it, or it was going to run away; when it did move I managed to hang on to it, but often only just. It kept biting my fingers, too, and that hurt a lot, and I wanted to stop it biting but I couldn't work out how to without letting go of it completely. Then suddenly it went completely still, and I was sure that it was dead, until it shivered in my hands, and then I looked closely at it and it had a huge growth on its back, like a tumour or something, which was so big that I hadn't noticed it before ["so big that I hadn't noticed it before" is how I understood it in the dream, but it doesn't really translate]. I pointed this out to my parents (who were with me) and they agreed that we had to get it to a vet. So we went as quickly as we could to the Emergency Vet, who was based in a little wooden hut at the edge of a park-type-thing that looked a bit like Jesus Green. The Emergency Vet was a beautiful young woman with blonde hair flowing out behind her, and she was explaining to me (and I was agreeing) that the mouse would have to be put down, because it would never survive the operation to remove the tumour, and it wasn't kind to it to keep it alive and suffering any longer. The funny thing was that all the time when I was holding it and it was alive I was worried about it, but when I knew it had to be put down I was actually quite relieved, and I felt guilty for feeling that, but I couldn't help it.

In the second part of the dream I was sitting at a table with k425 and OldBloke and hoiho, and I gave OldBloke a hug and then suddenly kissed him on the cheek, and he smiled as if I'd made him really happy, and I worried that k425 would be jealous so I hugged her and kissed her too, and then I kissed her again just because I thought she was lovely [and indeed she is!], and she smiled too, and all the time hoiho was just watching and looking sad.

Woke up feeling hungover and tearful.

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