Janet (j4) wrote,

On the up

Things seem to be looking better today.

sion_a and I went round for dinner with lnr last night, which was lovely even if I was still feeling rather flaky & had to run away earlyish. The surprisingly chilli-ish lasagne might not have been the best thing for my still-recovering stomach, in retrospect, but it was very tasty -- still surprises me how effective macaroni cheese is as a white sauce substitute for lasagne! And I think it probably did sion_a and I good to just be sociable together for a bit rather than sitting at home feeling like we have to Talk About Things.

sion_a and I might not have had time to talk much but we at least managed to hug and kiss and tell each other that we do still love each other, and we are going to keep trying to work through stuff like this. I know that sounds awfully twee and fluffy, and doubtless somebody will tell me that it's Not Addressing The Real Issues, but I think addressing the fact that we're both willing to address the issues is important as a starting point, as well as reminding ourselves why we're willing to keep on trying to sort these things out.

It's amazing just how much difference things like Sleep, and Bath, and Food can make, though. I felt so much better just for having a soak in the bath (with Second Form at Malory Towers for company -- thanks lnr!) last night, and this morning I didn't feel achey any more and I actually felt hungry. Although I didn't have time for any breakfast, as I had an enormous panic when I couldn't find my new pack of Pills, having stowed them away somewhere stupid in a frantic tidyfest the other week. I just kept looking in the same places again and again, and couldn't understand why they weren't there, and was getting more and more upset and confused (not to mention more and more late for work).

I only realised yesterday that I'd missed my ADs for two days running, and I strongly suspect that this contributed to how utterly awful I was feeling on Sunday -- and how confused I was feeling this morning after going back to my normal (double) dose again last night.

Appointment with counsellor tonight -- last-minute cancellation meant that they could fit me in sooner than they expected -- which could be interesting. I'm trying not to be prejudiced against this woman (her name's Imogen, and that's all I know about her) before I've even met her, but my past experience of counsellors doesn't exactly inspire me with confidence for this venture. The main reason I'm doing it at all is that my doctor suggested it and I feel like my "I've already tried this and it didn't work" card has expired.

Anyway. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks to everybody for hugs on LJ, email, irc and in real life -- it really did help. Though now I feel guilty for getting all the hugs when sion_a needs them just as much as me!

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