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Displacement - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
Displacement
I can't seem to do anything. There's plenty of things I should be doing, but instead I'm just faffing around, half tidying things, moving things from one room to another, and constantly coming back to the computer so I can check that I still haven't got any new email.

There's people I want to email, too, people whom I haven't emailed for ages, but I don't know what to say, except "hello", and it always just turns into apologies for the fact that I haven't emailed them for so long, and I feel the need to explain why I haven't emailed for so long, which turns into whining, and then they won't want to hear from me at all.

I feel so empty inside. Tired of crying all the time, tired of being so tired. I don't want to do anything. I just want to go back to bed and sleep for a million years.
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Comments
perdita_fysh From: perdita_fysh Date: January 6th, 2004 03:36 am (UTC) (Link)
That's probably not the best thing to do. Sleep deprivation causes the serotonin receptors to work more (or something) causing a similar effect to Prozac etc so if you're feeling depressed it's probably better to get slightly less sleep than usual rather than more.

Or something.

I read it in a book so it must be true!
j4 From: j4 Date: January 6th, 2004 04:19 am (UTC) (Link)
slightly less sleep than usual

Less sleep? I get an average of about 5 hours of unbroken sleep a night. Plus another couple of hours in bits and pieces of fitful sleep, being half-awake, dozing, etc.

Also given that Prozac and various other SSRIs have only ever succeeded in giving me unpleasant side-effects, I'm not sure I want to try to replicate their effects in an even more uncontrolled manner.
julietk From: julietk Date: January 6th, 2004 04:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Stress/depression does tend to screw your sleep up :-/

Have you tried 5HTP as a sleeping aid? It's a serotonin precursor - I have a bottle of tablets because they're recommended for taking to avoid E-comedown, but they're sold as a mild sedative. shadow_jess found it to work well, & she's had sleep problems for a very long time now. (mind you, probably wouldn't work long-term, cos you tend to get accustomed to things. Might be worth trying as a once-off, though). I don't get side-effects off it, & I tend not to get on well with either herbal or prescribed sleeping tablets.
j4 From: j4 Date: January 6th, 2004 04:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Never tried 5HTP. Never even heard of it -- is it widely available? I used to find that the Tesco herbal SleepAid things worked quite well, but I didn't want to keep on taking them all the time, even if they are just lettuce and stuff; besides, they don't tend to work if I'm just too stressed to sleep anyway.

What usually happens is that I faff around because I don't feel tired, and because I'm putting off lying-awake-thinking-and-stressing-about-stuff, and then suddenly it's 2am or 3am and I know it'll still take me ages to get to sleep, but I absolutely have to try by then otherwise I'll never get up for work, but I'm stressed and still-awake and I can't get to sleep.

I really do just want to sleep for years. And maybe when I woke up everything would have sorted itself out. It's not as if I'm doing anything useful by remaining awake.
julietk From: julietk Date: January 6th, 2004 06:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Holland & Barrett sell it, so I guess it's fairly widely available.

I presume you know/have tried all the standard suggestions for sleeping - bath & warm milky drink before bedtime, having a destressing routine (calming book or whatever for half an hour before trying to sleep), that sort of thing. I find that getting ready for bed, & then sitting reading or knitting for half an hour makes me more likely to go to sleep quicker, because my mind's started the winding-down process. Relaxation techniques also work well for me, but I know they don't for everyone.

I'd also be inclined, if I were you, to make a point of going to bed at a reasonable time (midnight, I guess), even if you don't feel tired. The lack of routine may be screwing up your ability to sleep more. Try it for a couple of weeks to give your brain a chance to get used to it (& expect it not to work so well for the first few nights - possibly using 5HTP or the lettuce pills or something might help with that?).

To be honest, if your sleep pattern is screwed, sleeping for ages might not help - you'll just confuse it further. Long-term, the ideal is to get into a regular pattern of sleeping 8 hrs or whatever per night - the trouble is getting there :-/ I've also read that if you have trouble with sleeping, sleeping in at weekends is a bad idea, because you confuse your brain.

Oh yes - & dropping caffeine entirely can help. I'm told that even only a bit of caffeine can have more of an effect than you would expect.

Er. Sorry, you probably know or have tried all that already, in which case my apologies!
julietk From: julietk Date: January 6th, 2004 03:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Know what you mean about the faffing around. I'm feeling rather like that at work atm. Many things to do & no ability to start on any of them without getting sidetracked by nothing...

For the record, if I'm one of the people you were thinking of emailing, then: a) no need to apologise for not emailing; b) feel free to whinge at will if you want to, & not if you don't[0]; & c) christ, *my* emails never have Actual Content, I don't expect anyone else's to :-) (& if I'm not one of the aforementioned people, then, um, ignore the above, I guess. [waves hands around vaguely] )

[0] I have spent most of the last month bitching at length at anyone who will stand still for long enough. So I am certainly more than happy to be on the other end of such. It's karma. Or something. Anyway, people whinging doesn't make me not want to hear from them.
j4 From: j4 Date: January 6th, 2004 04:22 am (UTC) (Link)
You weren't one of the specific people I had in mind when I wrote that, because most of them are people who aren't on LJ, and I feel so much more out of touch with people who aren't on LJ if I don't email them. IYSWIM. But on the other hand there's emails from you that I still haven't replied to, so if I wasn't feeling guilty about not emailing you I should have been probably.

Thank you for the offers of listening to me whining. I don't know if I want to whine at people, though. It doesn't help all that much really. But then nothing else helps either.

Oh I don't know. I'm all mixed up. I just want to hide under the duvet and cry. :-(
julietk From: julietk Date: January 6th, 2004 04:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh goodness, don't feel guilty about not emailing me. After all, I'd only then take ages to email you back & then *I'd* feel guilty :-)

Anyway, offer of being whinged at open if wanted. I know what you mean about it not always helping, though. But sometimes even if it doesn't exactly *help*, it's better to get it out than not to. *hugs* & stuff, anyway. Sorry I can't help more :-(
bopeepsheep From: bopeepsheep Date: January 6th, 2004 04:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Send me an email. Start with hello and apologise all you want (for anything) then whine away. I promise not to complain and then you can start the next email (to whoever) with all of that out of your system. Lor' knows I whine enough (in public), I can take some of it. ;-)

Big hugs. Much sympathy re the faffing, I feel like that but I'm not even managing from one room to another, just making piles of things for imc to move later except I forget to tell him that's what they're for and they don't get moved.
rysmiel From: rysmiel Date: January 6th, 2004 07:30 am (UTC) (Link)
You can't whine too much for me to want to hear from you.

Really.
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