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*scratch* - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
j4
j4
*scratch*
I'm in such a scratchy mood. Everybody and everything is irritating me at the moment. The colour of things. The sounds other people's typing makes. The sounds my own typing makes.

I mean, you know it's bad when you feel edgy and slightly nauseous at the sight of the marginally-oversized dots on the 'i's in a font. And when two seconds' wait for a webpage to load makes you want to put an axe through the monitor.

Apologies to anybody I've snapped at for absolutely nothing today. I will try to calm down.

Current Mood: hair-trigger

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Comments
mhw From: mhw Date: November 12th, 2003 08:40 am (UTC) (Link)
I get this too, and it's awful, I know.

Deep breathing exercises are helpful, I've found.
j4 From: j4 Date: November 12th, 2003 09:23 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm not sure I want to risk accidentally getting irritated with my breathing, and deciding to try to stop it... :-}

I'll give it a go, though; thanks.

What I feel like I really need at the moment is to go home, kick something inanimate, bitch about cow-orkers for a bit, then settle down and eat takeout pizza, have a long hot bath (with a book and a cup of tea), and then go to bed. Oh, and actually getting to sleep before 2am would be nice. <sigh> Unfortunately I have orchestra rehearsal tonight & since this is the penultimate rehearsal before the concert I really can't miss it. But bath and book and bed afterwards, definitely.
mhw From: mhw Date: November 12th, 2003 10:19 am (UTC) (Link)
*chuckle* Breathing is very good for you, you know. I really would recommend against stopping it.

All those things do sound very good, and much needed. I hope the rehearsal goes well for you, and I'll light a little candle for your peace and wellbeing.
uon From: uon Date: November 12th, 2003 12:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
The sounds my own typing makes.

This annoys me a lot (possibly because I tend to type quite hard); it's why I prefer wearing headphones to using the speakers on my desk.

Of course, then the music will irritate me.
From: (Anonymous) Date: November 13th, 2003 01:42 am (UTC) (Link)

legitimate emotions

Um... you don't like your work; you're in love with someone who has already promised someone else to make *her* feelings, kids, and life his priority; you and he have (I trust) spent the w/e together and he has gone back and no doubt you are lonesome; and you are worrying about feeling scratchy? Totally legitimate - you'd have to be utterly inhuman NOT to be scratchy.

If you were passively accepting it would be very worrying. Not liking the way things are in your situation is a very, very good sign of mental health. You shouldn't like it. Long term, it all has to change, one way or another, because it isn't sustainable. You are doing an excellent thing on the applying-for-jobs front: good for you! You are also entitled to wanting love, hugs, and consolation when YOU want them, not merely when it is possible for A.N. Other to take time away from other equally legitimate and chosen commitments. It's good to recognise and respect your own needs and emotions; denying one's own reality is the way to real neurosis. Besides, if you don't respect your own feelings nobody else will, either.

Extra B vitamins and yam extract help me out and might work for you, too. Then at least my own body doesn't trip me up whilst I'm trying to keep my focus on what I (probably wrongly) think I ought to be paying attention to. :-)

Speaking of which, I have to go kill my mother-in-law. :-)))))

K ("scratchy? Never heard of it") in Oxford
j4 From: j4 Date: November 13th, 2003 03:25 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: legitimate emotions

you're in love with someone who has already promised someone else to make *her* feelings, kids, and life his priority;

Er, well. He promised that ~20 years ago, and it certainly appears to be under review. Certainly if he made her feelings his priority he wouldn't be looking for jobs in Cambridge...

The kids still take priority over me, and always will, and that's fair enough; but he has said he will keep trying to sort things out so he and I can be together. Unfortunately at the moment pretty much any plan for our future relies on at least one of us having some kind of financial independence, which is proving tricky. I'm not asking him to make promises which are contingent on things outside his control.

you and he have (I trust) spent the w/e together and he has gone back and no doubt you are lonesome

Nope. He's coming down for the weekend tonight (he should have set off by now, actually); we've spent the last two weeks apart.

Long term, it all has to change, one way or another, because it isn't sustainable.

I know. :-/ That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid something will break, and break badly, before I get a chance to sort out something sustainable.

You are also entitled to wanting love, hugs, and consolation when YOU want them, not merely when it is possible for A.N. Other to take time away from other equally legitimate and chosen commitments.

Well, I'm entitled to want it, but that doesn't mean I'm entitled to get it. I don't believe in some kind of god-given entitlement to being loved and hugged whenever I feel the need, I'm afraid.

I also don't think that not-being-able-to-drop-everything-and-hug-me-whenever-I'm-being-wibbly is a failing in a partner. I think it's a sign that I'm being a little too needy. Whether I like it or not, hoiho does have other commitments as well, and I accept that; he may not always have the same commitments, but for the time being we're stuck with the situation as it is. I still think it's worth hanging on to. I still think he's worth hanging on to.

I don't want to have to rely on somebody else being there to pick me up whenever I fall over. I want to be able to get up, brush off the leaves and dirt, and carry on walking. I think I'll be a stronger person, and my relationship with him will be a stronger relationship, if I don't run crying to him like a toddler to its mum every time I have a bad moment, and then have a tantrum if he's unavoidably busy at the time.

It's good to recognise and respect your own needs and emotions

Agreed that it's good to recognise your own needs and emotions; but I don't think all of them are deserving of respect! Sometimes hard to distinguish "needs" from "wants", as well...

Will give the B vitamins and yam extract a go if I remember.

I think the scratchiness yesterday was being aggravated by

a) too much coffee,
b) people at work being moronic,
c) people not at work causing me hassle, and
d) not getting enough sleep.

Feeling better today, though that may just be because I get to see hoiho again tonight.

He really does make me insanely happy, you know, for all that the situation is driving me to distraction. The problem is, I feel frustrated by the situation, and that often presents as being frustrated with him (because it feels like he's the one who could Do Something About It, even though logically I know that he's doing all that he reasonably can, and probably more than he should, to try to be with me) and that causes more stress for both of us.
vinaigrettegirl From: vinaigrettegirl Date: November 17th, 2003 03:29 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: legitimate emotions

See "Men are like Buses" by Wendy Cope, in Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis.... :-)

BTW, you kindly offered me a code, just after someone else did, blessyou both; may I list you as a Friend?

Vinaigrette Girl
j4 From: j4 Date: November 17th, 2003 04:28 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: legitimate emotions

Wendy Cope is Right. And of course you can list me as a friend. :)
imc From: imc Date: November 17th, 2003 08:51 am (UTC) (Link)
[light dawns]
I had no idea that the KK in j4's journal was the same mysterious person as the VG in land_girl's journal. Another case of `small world' syndrome, it seems.

Anyway, in that case j4 probably offered you the code before I did, but it doesn't matter as you've got it now.
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