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Got enough guilt to start my own religion - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
j4
j4
Got enough guilt to start my own religion
Well, maybe that will teach me not to panic about momentary lapses in communication: I now seem to have done far more damage than good by stressing about it on LiveJournal. :-(

I don't think my distress earlier was hoiho's fault at all, and I really don't want other people to blame him for the fact that I'm neurotic and panicky. He's doing his utmost to keep in touch with me despite technical and practical difficulties, and he's being more patient than I could reasonably expect when I'm a great big quivering mess, and he really, really doesn't deserve to have me whinging about him in public in return.

I really do need to pull myself together somehow. :-(

Current Mood: guilty

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Comments
From: kaet Date: November 10th, 2003 09:14 am (UTC) (Link)
I guess I just read it as a way of saying I miss him.

It's annoying when things happen which are angering (like being a long way from hoiho), but which don't really have any sensible focus because of the lack of anyone in the wrong. (Other than Da Man, I suess!). I don't know a good way out of it, to be honest. I tend to just let it silently eat away at me, which isn't a recommendation!
j4 From: j4 Date: November 10th, 2003 11:47 am (UTC) (Link)
I guess I just read it as a way of saying I miss him.

Basically, yeah. :-( Well, this morning it was more like "I miss him and I feel ill and tired and lonely and I desperately need a hug and I feel utterly lost without him but then I feel cross with myself for being so clingy and I'm frustrated about ytalk not working because we've only had it working for a few days and it felt like it would really make me feel closer to him being able to talk properly and now that's been taken away as well and I'm stuck in the office and I can't stop crying and aaaaaagggghhhhh".

It's annoying when things happen which are angering (like being a long way from hoiho), but which don't really have any sensible focus because of the lack of anyone in the wrong.

I know. I'm certainly not angry with him. The only actual people I can be angry at are all the cretins who are failing to give him a job in Cambridge :-( and that's not really much help because I can't go and shout at them, and even if I could it wouldn't do any good.

I don't know a good way out of it, to be honest. I tend to just let it silently eat away at me, which isn't a recommendation!

I tend to get upset about it and not be able to hide the fact, which also isn't a recommendation because it just gets everybody cross. I'm not very good at being silently eaten away at. I don't do silent very well at all in general, really. :-/
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