Janet (j4) wrote,
Janet
j4

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killing time

I hate job applications. I seem to be talking myself out of applying for most of the ones I was planning to apply for, and I'm not sure whether it's because I hate writing job applications or because they're really not worth applying for (or a bit of both, probably).

The Macmillan Cancer Research Fundraising Assistant post is the most annoying; I really wanted to apply for it because it seems the closest to a Good Thing out of the jobs I was going to apply for, but the more I look at the job description the more I feel like I'm hideously overqualified for it. I know that sounds disgustingly conceited, and I'm sorry, but they're asking for things like "at least one year in office environment", and "experience of ... use of office equipment", and (I know qualifications aren't that relevant any more, but) the only qualifications they require are GCSEs (or NVQ level 1 or 2). It seems bitterly ironic that I've spent so long desperately trying to write up my experience (which is pitiful in comparison to that of most graduates) into something that sounds employable so that I can apply for jobs I don't want to do, that now I can't talk it down enough for a job I do want to do.

The Refugee Legal Centre job is another Good Thing, but it's a lot worse paid than it looked originally -- the advert says something in the region of 20K, but it's actually more like 14K plus extra money for having to work most weekends and some evenings. Which would still be a not unreasonable wage but it's considerably less than I'm on now, for massively longer hours. (I now expect hundreds of people to follow up telling me that obviously I can't work for a Good Cause and have money / a social life. Okay, so I was naive in thinking I could do both.)

The Studio Cambridge (EFL school) job just has such a broken application form that I'm not sure I can face trying to fill it in. Yeah, yeah, I know, I should stop being so fucking snobbish and picky, and after all it's not as if my ability to produce reasonably-formatted text in Word has done me any good -- but I can't even get the text to stop displaying with lines on top of other lines, so I can't even read half of it.

It's just making me feel miserable and panicky and hopeless as fucking usual, with the added panic that I definitely don't have anything resembling a real job after the end of this month. And meanwhile Gawen's still full of mad ideas -- the latest one today was that the people who ProQuest can't afford to employ any more should go and start their own "data solutions" company, so that ProQuest can outsource to them and it won't cost ProQuest as much.

I just want to give up on the whole thing. At best the job I get now is only killing time until I do what I really want to do with my life ... but I just wish I could shake the fear that that's never going to happen, and actually I'm just killing time until, well, time kills me.
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