Janet (j4) wrote,

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You've got to feel it in your bones

When I know I've said something really stupid or insensitive, for some time (days or more) afterwards I feel "emotionally nauseous" -- that is, I feel physically queasy when I think of it, but it's very definitely an emotional reaction as well. I can usually tell what it is that's causing it because the feeling gets much stronger when I think specifically of that thing -- it's like prodding a sore place.

Lately I've been feeling like that nearly all the time and I have no idea what's causing it. The only thing I can think of was saying something that offended ottah, in the pub last Thursday, and I hope she's forgiven me; and anyway I don't get the sickish feeling any more strongly than its background level when I think of that.

Funnily enough, I don't tend to get the same feeling about arguments, though the feeling I do get still has an edge of nausea. Mostly, though, I just get very angry and very upset, and often so shaky that I can't type properly. Which is still not pleasant.

Of course, these feelings all feed off each other -- if I'm feeling sick and uneasy I'm more likely to either get into arguments, or get drunk to try to drown the feelings (and then I often end up saying things that I regret).

Not sure where (if anywhere) this is going. Just musing (and whining a bit, yeah) out loud really.

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