Human Virus Scanner
The virus that have infected you will be show here along with thier cures, if known.
Viruses you suffer from:
Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.
Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.
The GPL isn't that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.
Grow up. Let your roots grow out. Listen to Britney.
CTRL-Break, and get a real computer. Repeat: "Mode 7 was not a good thing."
Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)
Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.
No need for cure. Benign virus.
Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.
Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.
Stop wearing the stick-on ears.
Try MacOS X. It's based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn't suck.
As an extra feature the boxes look nice.
Escape Meta Alt Control Shift.
Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.
Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.
Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.
Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.
Use a mouse with more than one button.
Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's they don't crackle.
Viruses you might suffer from:
Go read Brunching
Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]
Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.
Move to the Isle of Wight.
Brand Names (95%)
Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.
Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.
[Which viruses do you suffer from?]
I actually found this one quite interesting; it's amazing just how many images I've subconsciously absorbed. But then I am a bit of a flypaper for eyecatching images and logos and stuff. Have spent years and years collecting well-designed logos and adverts; and as a teenager I used to love copying bands' logos on to my folders and rough books and hands and jeans and, um, desks. And I still get a real feeling of ... of, I dunno, of "yeah!" when I see a cleverly-designed logo. Like, I dunno, what have I seen recently? -- The fairtrade one that's a person waving but also looks like a yin/yang. I like that one. (With really neat logos and stuff I want to go and bounce at people and say "look, look! They combined all these ideas and connotations into this one tiny little swirl/square/circle thingy!" ... but most people aren't interested.)
I should be in bed, you know.