However I now feel distinctly queasy (I don't think this is in any way connected to the stuff I was seeing the doctor about), very tired (despite actually getting some sleep this weekend), and persistently mopey. Keep feeling like I'm about to burst into tears. It feels like PMT, but it's the wrong time of the month for that.
Meanwhile I've got the same old worries wandering around in my head, and I feel like there's nobody I can talk to who isn't a) already far too involved, b) not involved enough (I can't face explaining the situation many more times), c) extremely hostile to one of the people who is involved, or d) on holiday.
In other news: ProQuest are giving me a Proper Job. They've offered (and I've accepted) a four-month contract as an Editor, on a salary of 17.5K (pro rata, as I'll only be working 4 days a week). This has the advantage that I can put a better job title (and a better salary) on my CV.
I should feel cheerful about this -- it means money's less of a worry for a few months, it means I get paid holiday again, and (it's the little things...) it means I get to use the bus into town on Thursdays, and I get a smart-key so I don't have to borrow somebody else's key when I want to nip to the loo without having to walk round the whole building. But I just feel miserable about it, and the sickness I'm feeling now is just like the way I used to feel all the time when I was working here full-time.
I feel like I had to accept the contract, because the advantages outweighed the (rather nebulous) disadvantages; but at the same time I feel like it's just giving in, accepting that I can't get a job anywhere else. And all in all I just feel trapped. I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this rut for the rest of my life.
And before anybody points it out, yes, I'm only 25, and blah blah blah blah REST OF YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU. But that doesn't stop me feeling like this.