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Health, wealth, and ... what was the other thing? - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
Health, wealth, and ... what was the other thing?
Appointment with new doctor this morning was mostly okay, though I might have known that a male doctor wouldn't think to jnez gur fcrphyhz hc n ovg orsber vafregvat vg.</tmi> However he did just about convince me that I was worrying about nothing, and he gave me some advice on other stuff as well.

However I now feel distinctly queasy (I don't think this is in any way connected to the stuff I was seeing the doctor about), very tired (despite actually getting some sleep this weekend), and persistently mopey. Keep feeling like I'm about to burst into tears. It feels like PMT, but it's the wrong time of the month for that.

Meanwhile I've got the same old worries wandering around in my head, and I feel like there's nobody I can talk to who isn't a) already far too involved, b) not involved enough (I can't face explaining the situation many more times), c) extremely hostile to one of the people who is involved, or d) on holiday.

...

In other news: ProQuest are giving me a Proper Job. They've offered (and I've accepted) a four-month contract as an Editor, on a salary of 17.5K (pro rata, as I'll only be working 4 days a week). This has the advantage that I can put a better job title (and a better salary) on my CV.

I should feel cheerful about this -- it means money's less of a worry for a few months, it means I get paid holiday again, and (it's the little things...) it means I get to use the bus into town on Thursdays, and I get a smart-key so I don't have to borrow somebody else's key when I want to nip to the loo without having to walk round the whole building. But I just feel miserable about it, and the sickness I'm feeling now is just like the way I used to feel all the time when I was working here full-time.

I feel like I had to accept the contract, because the advantages outweighed the (rather nebulous) disadvantages; but at the same time I feel like it's just giving in, accepting that I can't get a job anywhere else. And all in all I just feel trapped. I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this rut for the rest of my life.

And before anybody points it out, yes, I'm only 25, and blah blah blah blah REST OF YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU. But that doesn't stop me feeling like this.

Current Mood: weepy
Now playing: none, because I stupidly left my headphones at home. :-(

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Comments
senji From: senji Date: July 21st, 2003 06:40 am (UTC) (Link)
jnez gur fcrphyhz hc n ovg orsber vafregvat vg.

Hey, even I know that that's a good idea...
ghoti From: ghoti Date: July 21st, 2003 06:54 am (UTC) (Link)
I think nurses usually remember, but doctors forget because it's not something they do very often. But I could be wrong.
j4 From: j4 Date: July 21st, 2003 07:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, the nurse remembered last time I had a fzrne grfg. (The doctor did ask if I wanted a nurse to do it instead, but I didn't want to faff about any more than necessary.) Ah well, it wasn't that bad, just a bit "eep!" and a bit "ouch".
karen2205 From: karen2205 Date: July 21st, 2003 07:24 am (UTC) (Link)
*What's* a good idea? - I'm completely baffled by that sentence
ghoti From: ghoti Date: July 21st, 2003 07:28 am (UTC) (Link)
feed it into www.rot13.com, would be my advice.
karen2205 From: karen2205 Date: July 21st, 2003 07:48 am (UTC) (Link)
ahh, now I understand, thanks:-) though I've got my legs very firmly crossed. Ick. Ick, and even more ickiness.
beingjdc From: beingjdc Date: July 21st, 2003 07:01 am (UTC) (Link)
a) already far too involved, b) not involved enough (I can't face explaining the situation many more times), c) extremely hostile to one of the people who is involved, or d) on holiday.

Technically I am none of those things, but I am also

e) an utter twat, who would probably just take the piss.
f) more than likely to divert the conversation into being about me
j4 From: j4 Date: July 21st, 2003 07:14 am (UTC) (Link)
To be honest piss-taking and diverting the conversation might actually be helpful, at least they'd make me grin. :) I don't think you're a twat though.
beingjdc From: beingjdc Date: July 21st, 2003 07:21 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't think you're a twat though.

Alright then, I have a challenging and original view of what constitutes socially acceptable behaviour.
julietk From: julietk Date: July 21st, 2003 08:49 am (UTC) (Link)
*snigger*
reddragdiva From: reddragdiva Date: July 21st, 2003 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I thort they were called syncwnpxf now.
From: fluffymormegil Date: July 21st, 2003 07:54 am (UTC) (Link)
*groan* that's awful
reddragdiva From: reddragdiva Date: July 21st, 2003 07:57 am (UTC) (Link)
I first saw it used by lnr.
lnr From: lnr Date: July 21st, 2003 08:42 am (UTC) (Link)
I guess I fit in group a). Wish you had someone sensible to talk to, it sort of helps. Not much I can say other than *hugs*.
bopeepsheep From: bopeepsheep Date: July 21st, 2003 09:07 am (UTC) (Link)
I feel like there's nobody I can talk to who isn't a) already far too involved, b) not involved enough (I can't face explaining the situation many more times), c) extremely hostile to one of the people who is involved, or d) on holiday.
What, not even me? I don't think I'm a) or c), and definitely not d), so unless there's a lot more to it than I might know, I shouldn't be b) either. You know I can lend an analytical ear, and while I might not necessarily be able empathise, I can certainly sympathise. You have our home no if you want to talk. I think I can promise not to go into labour in the middle of the conversation...
imc From: imc Date: July 21st, 2003 09:31 am (UTC) (Link)
(To j4: If you think you can prove that last sentence false by ringing up then by all means give it a try...)

Oh and here, have some virtual {{hugs}}.
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