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Shopping and fretting - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
Shopping and fretting
Lots of shopping today. Lunch with hoiho at Don Pasquale, followed by shopping. Bought far too many videos ("The Sound of Music", "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead", "The Blues Brothers", "`Tipping the Velvet", and I'm sure there was something else but I can't remember), some books (another Tamora Pierce one for me, plus some books for Small and Smaller), and lots of nice bath stuff from Lush.

Said goodbye to hoiho (who was heading off to spend a few days away from Cambridge) and then met up with sion_a. While waiting to meet him I saw a young girl with a shiny holographic hula-hoop (not the crisp, the thing you spin round your waist etc.), and asked her & her mum where they'd found it. Then of course had to go and get one myself (from Robert Sayle). Later bought more videos, and some CDs.

Spent far too much money all told, but I feel a little less worried about that now that I have a Proper Job again (as of Wednesday). Okay, it's still at ProQuest, but a) it's only a four-month contract (this is good, as it means I don't feel obliged to stay there any longer than that, but for the next four months I know I'll have money coming in...), b) it's a better salary than I was on when I left, and c) I will be an Editor rather than an Editorial Assistant. Which will look slightly better on my CV.

Ended up in the Pickerel after shopping, where sion_a and I had a Serious Conversation. No idea if it helped, doubt if it will change anything, but if nothing else at least I feel like I've said some of the things that have been bothering me.

Last part of the evening was spent in the Carlton with sion_a, lnr, meirion and ptc24. Shouldn't have had the half pint of cider at the end of the evening, as I think that was what tipped me over the edge from "moderately mopey in the background" into "maudlin, melancholy, with a strong tinge of want-to-run-away-now-please".

...

Now (much much later) I feel queasy and very unhappy. I feel like there are a hundred things that I want to say on LiveJournal, but I can't say them because they'll just offend or upset people. On the other hand, I seem to have managed to offend people on irc instead; the conversation has left a really nasty taste in my mouth.

I feel like I'm going to end up having to make a choice that I really didn't want to have to make.

Current Mood: bitter, bitter, bitter

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Comments
lnr From: lnr Date: July 20th, 2003 03:43 am (UTC) (Link)
You didn't offend me FWIW.

Maybe it would help to write them all down in a text document as if you were going to paste it into LJ, and then decide if you really want to afterwards. Sometimes it does help just to crystalise things into words, even if they don't go anywhere, and sometimes having it in words makes it easier to say, if you realise it does need to be said.

Hard choices: *hugs*. You know I'm always happy to talk.
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