The worst of it is the loneliness. I know, I know, how can I be lonely, there are people around me all the time... but nobody's there when I'm depressed, not properly, not meaningfully present. They're there, but they're on the other side of a soundproof window. Some of them knock on the glass and try to shout through, which is well-intentioned, and I do recognise it as a kind of emotional "We tried to deliver but you were out" ... but not much of the actual message gets through. Others just say "oh well, I can't get in, so I'll go and do something more fun instead" and walk away. Unfortunately that message gets through loud and clear.
I thought that was one of the reasons why people settled down with other people, so that they wouldn't have to feel so utterly alone when they were miserable. I wish I'd known it doesn't work.
I can't stop crying and there's nobody within earshot who cares. The only person who can hear isn't really a person yet, and I'm probably already ruining her life as well.