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Growing concerns - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
j4
j4
Growing concerns
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j4 From: j4 Date: April 12th, 2010 12:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Would you like an old fashioned pink rose?

If it needs a home then we'd be happy to give it one, though I'm not sure to what extent we'd give it a good home -- I fear I won't be able to keep up the good intentions that I'm enthusiastic about at the moment! It probably depends how fragile & in need of emotional support it is. :-} Pink roses are lovely though.

In the meantime I'm losing experience because talking into a void is too disheartening. I might go back to light private posts for a bit -- at least that leaves me in charge of people not reading me.

I started trying to do 'morning pages' because I always write better longhand anyway; but I think for me it's not just the void that's the problem but the sense that I'm just going over old ground (which I think is part of the reason why I've dropped out of touch -- everybody else is sort of going over the same ground too, and I'm getting less and less tolerant of having the same old arguments) and I think that's worse when I write just for/to myself. But I don't have any place (LJ certainly isn't it) to try to write/think/speak better, to filter out the nonsense & get the constructive conversation, to be able to take enough of the same-old-same-old for granted that it's possible to move on from those points. I have wanted to set up some kind of group for Actual Intelligent Conversation With Content but (as always) I fear I wouldn't be intelligent enough for it. :-} I want something that's a bit more constructive and nurturing (and less dick-waving/point-scoring) than oldskool usenet debate, but less woolly than all the supposedly-uncritical 'safe spaces' that people make when they're frightened of having to realise that they might be wrong about stuff.

Sorry, I am not sure how much sense this rant makes outside the context of the arguments I've been having with myself in my head for the past god-knows-how-long. :-} You see the problem...
livredor From: livredor Date: April 12th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is pretty much the kind of conversation that I want, too. I do feel that I've moved on from sophomoric philosophy debates, but perhaps I'm deluding myself and I've actually just turned into a boring middle-aged suburbanite. I like intelligent disagreement, I don't like tribalism and point-scoring. I try to write my journal posts to the best of my ability, but without being such a perfectionist that I'm scared to write anything at all. And, well, I've just about made peace with the fact that the best of my ability isn't very good.

A lot of your posts give me the sense that the reason you're more pessimistic than I am is because you're vastly more intelligent. Which means it's hard to imagine a response more useless than saying that I want constructive intelligent conversation too, but I do.
cleanskies From: cleanskies Date: April 12th, 2010 07:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
The rose will take neglect, and slump happily against a fence. I'll bring it over at some point.

Yeah, oddly, I know exactly what you mean. We need a salon...
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