Janet (j4) wrote,
Janet
j4

  • Mood:

Still ill

Well that wiped out most of today. :-(

Was feeling too ill and tired to do anything, went to lie down for a bit, and got progressively more shattered and achey and generally useless. Ended up spending several hours mostly-asleep, with head feeling like it was made of lead, legs feeling like they were made of jelly, stomach gurgling nauseously and back aching dully in the background all the time. And ended up with headache and neckache from sleeping in awkward positions.

Suspect I may not be doing karate grading tomorrow after all.

Did have some very weird dreams though while dozing... I dreamed that we were having the whole house redecorated and most of the walls and doors moved as well; I kept trying to go through doors and finding that they were too small to go through, or they didn't exist any more. Some of the doors had just been closed and tiled over with these nice dark-blue tiles; others had been moved altogether or bricked up. There were some temporary walls between one half of the house and the other, which I could see from one of the upstairs windows. We also had a huge enclosed garden at the back of the house, with trough-like things which had alligators in. The alligators looked pinkish, as if they weren't fully-grown, and I remember asking sion_a whether you could eat alligators. Back at the house, I had a conversation with sion_a about the stoats that we'd been collecting, because ProQuest were buying stoats (they had some way of using them as part of the printing process) and were paying 36p per stoat. sion_a was saying that he'd only got 6 stoats, and was it worth selling just 6 at 36p per stoat? (I said it was worth it.) I asked him where he'd put the stoats and he said they were in one of the troughs at the end of the garden (I assume not the one with the alligators in). Then I realised there was something squishy trapped inside the seam-type-bit at the neck of my t-shirt, and I wondered if that was stoats too, and I asked sion_a to check, and he squeezed the seam really hard and all this sticky stuff came out on to my t-shirt, and it had little white balls in which I thought might have been stoat eggs. Or possibly eyes.

...

The only other bit of (completely unconnected) dream I can remember was that somebody was suffocating me with a pillow, and I was only pretending to struggle at first because I was enjoying it, and I started going all light-headed and realised I couldn't struggle, like the way you can't run in dreams sometimes. I was trying to move my arms but they just wouldn't move; but the weird thing was I didn't feel panicky about this, I couldn't breathe but I wasn't struggling for breath, I felt like I was just floating away.

Still feel headachey and shattered, though a little better for sleeping (and eating). We'll see how I feel tomorrow morning at 6am (which is when I need to get up if I'm going to make it to the grading). Blehh.

Update: Felt like death at 6 a.m. Slightly better now (headache sufficiently dulled that I can move my head without too much pain) but still generally grotty, & there was no way I could have done justice to myself in a grading (and I'm not sure I could have sat through the three-hour car journey to get there, either). Hoping I'll feel well enough to stagger over to see lnr and ewx this afternoon, unless of course they'd rather I kept my icky germs to myself!

Just feel miserable and useless at the moment though. I've been putting off grading for so long because I didn't feel ready, and now when I did feel about as ready as I was ever going to, I go and get ill. Can't help wondering if it's all in the mind and I'm actually just too crap to ever pass any more gradings. Or indeed do anything with my life at all. :-(
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