We spent a large part of today in the House of Fail cleaning things (my hands got so plaster-dusted that I could have probably peeled them off and made a cast of them) and polyfillaing in the holes that weren't quite big enough to put a badger in, and have come to the conclusion that:
* overall, it's not quite as bad as despair led me to believe
* if they fix the Bloody Great Holes then it will be even less quite-as-bad
* they have actually, despite all the mess and fail, done what looks like a pretty good job of the ceilings, which is after all what we asked them to do in the first place
* we can (and will have to) get an electrician in very soon to fix the boiler/lighting fail, but electricians are less likely to leave the house in a horrible mess
* the paint will probably come off the laminate floors in the end
* the carpet is completely fvcked, but I guess that is why god made rugs
* the walls will all need painting, but we can do that while we live there, because some people seem to repaint their houses nearly as often as I change my underpants, and they don't move out completely every time[*], and in the meantime we can always put posters up or something and pretend it's the 1990s again
* okay so I guess 'home' is going to be a bit grim and half-finished for a while (and we still won't have a kitchen! That's not the builders' fault but honestly did they have to get the sink covered in paint?), but I guess that is why god made pubs
[*] Every time they paint. Not every time I change my underpants. I presume.
Also, we went to the everything-shop on Cowley Road to buy extra cleaning stuff (I cycled from there to the House Of Fail with a mop bungee-corded to my bike, big yellow spongey thing sticking out a couple of feet at the end like one of those 'long vehicle' reflecty things) and ended up buying (as well as the mop) one of those tabletop cookers, a little electric hob-in-a-box, because while we do have the magic calor gas hob-and-grill my parents lent us (the one they used when they moved into the first house I remember) we don't have any gas for it. Anyway, the man in the shop must have thought I needed cheering up because he suddenly said "You like sweets? I give you some for free. Which ones do you like?" and I was all surprised and confused but picked a pack of fruity sweets in the shape of bright-coloured hearts & was much cheered as a result. Aww. If all else fails I reckon we can go and live in the everything-shop. They have rugs and mirrors and candles and DIY stuff and cleaning stuff and, like, everything. And fruity sweets and a nice man.
Also also, we then went to truecatachresis and squigglyruth's barbecue, where we accidentally had lots of wine and ended up sitting outside in the dark proving that Odysseus was stupid, that democracy didn't work, and that we absolutely had to kill that bloke who's ruined Channel 4. (I don't know, I don't even watch telly! But he has. Ruined it.) All of which seems to have helped with my general attitude to the House of Fail. We are lucky to have lots of lovely friends.
We are probably going to be off the internet for most of this week as O2 and BT between them have begot fail (though I still have my iPhone); I suspect we will fairly quickly find ourselves in the Rusty Bicycle, begging the barman for a flagon of his finest foaming wifi. I'm back in work on the 17th though so after that I'll be a lot more emailable.
See you on the other side...