From: emperor	Date: December 1st, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC)		(Link)

1) "RTFI, n00b"
2) no. HTH
3) definitely not!

[sorry, these are probably not very helpful replies. Have some *hugs* and *mustelidae*]

	From: james_r	Date: December 1st, 2008 11:12 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Maybe. Maybe. No. Congratulations :-)

	From: colinmurtagh	Date: December 1st, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)		(Link)

We had to do that, as we got married in the registry office, which wasn't really that big. We just bit the bullet and tried to be tactful about it, leaning heavily on the smallness of the hall, and how few people were going to the actual wedding.
Good luck

	From: nja	Date: December 1st, 2008 11:16 pm (UTC)		(Link)

1. I think most people will not react badly to having that explained to them, unless they are one of the parents of the bride and*/or groom.
2. Oh noes you are talking about me!!!!!1!!!
3. Please wait until after the wedding to shoot yourself, as I wouldn't want to miss the possibility of cake.

*For weddings in some parts of Somerset

	From: truecatachresis	Date: December 1st, 2008 11:18 pm (UTC)		(Link)

1. What you have written there in the question is perfectly polite.
2. No.
3. No.

	From: cleanskies	Date: December 1st, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)		(Link)
	it all depends

I tried on a dress today.

Also, I'd assumed you meant reception only. It usually does!

Reminder to self - RSVP.

From: rmc28	Date: December 1st, 2008 11:49 pm (UTC)		(Link)

1. We're not offended! I think most adults can grasp the concept of limited capacity in a wedding venue, and we're just delighted to be invited to join the celebration. I thought what you wrote in our (lovely) invitation was clear and helpful and had no thought of being offended at all.

2. Not at all. (but oh bugger, I fulfill your prediction b)

3. Pls no shooting, we wantz wedding party.

	From: redbird	Date: December 2nd, 2008 12:17 am (UTC)		(Link)

I don't think what you're doing is offensive, any more than it would have been offensive, 30 years ago when everything was done on paper, to send out invitations to a dozen people to the wedding and separate invitations to 100 (including those dozen) to a reception. [For those dozen, I believe that it was proper to include both invitations in one envelope.] If someone then heard, say, the bride's sister mention the wedding, that didn't mean they were invited to both.

I gather the reverse was sometimes done: a wedding was considered open to the entire congregation, which could mean most of the residents of a village, without that obliging the people getting married, or their parents, to feed anyone who chose to show up.

From what I've seen here, you are quite capable of saying "I'm sorry to have confused you, but the invitation is to the reception. We're having a very small, low-key ceremony, with only a few people, and couldn't invite everyone we wanted. I do hope you'll come to the reception" in a polite fashion.

Sure, someone might take offense to that. Someone else might take offense to hearing that a person they know casually is getting married thousands of miles away without inviting them. That is their problem.

	From: covertmusic	Date: December 2nd, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)		(Link)

Definitely not to the third.

	From: juggzy	Date: December 2nd, 2008 07:20 am (UTC)		(Link)

1. It's simply not offensive to say that, as the wedding venue is small, you've limited invitations to that to your family and close friends. It's a matter of practicality. I should think that very few people will be offended.

	From: sesquipedality	Date: December 2nd, 2008 07:28 am (UTC)		(Link)

Nah, they should learn to read.

However, labelling the card "wedding" might not have been the smartest move in retrospect.

See you at 7 then.

(In my defence, I didn't actually have the card with me when I replied. I remembered the URL from memory.)

Edited at 2008-12-02 07:40 am (UTC)

	From: ewx	Date: December 2nd, 2008 09:27 am (UTC)		(Link)

4. How long should one leave before reminding people that 'RSVP' means they have to get off their arse and répond?

(Yes, we would love to come, thankyou for inviting us.)

	From: vinaigrettegirl	Date: December 2nd, 2008 10:41 am (UTC)		(Link)

In reverse order:

Do not not not shoot yourself (unless, perhaps, with a rubber-band-off-the-finger, if it would make you feel merrier, on a "there, I shot myself, job done" kind of way).

No, it's not worse.

First question: If people show up and you can't shoehorn them in IT DOES NOT MATTER. Prime your best man/maid/matron-of-honour/Chief-Wrangler to say "How delightful to see you! Do sit down here where you should be able to hear/in the hotel across the street/in the pub down the road, the room is TINY and we're so sorry it filled up so soon, Janet and Owen will be out as soon as the ceremony is done and I know they're looking forward to seeing you."

See? You have a plan. It isn't important if more people show up to wish you well than you can fit in at the registry office. Everyone will cope admirably. Your friends could start and run a small country from scratch quite well, if need be, FCOL, complete with a working IT system, orchestra, schools, medical care, and agriculture, yanno? :-)

	From: sbp	Date: December 2nd, 2008 10:54 am (UTC)		(Link)

Happy having-a-wedding! Hope it all works out.

	From: ewx	Date: December 2nd, 2008 11:00 am (UTC)		(Link)

...why are so many wedding venues so tiny? It seems to be a very common problem.