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dressed for the occasion day after day - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
j4
j4
dressed for the occasion day after day
It was all going so well.

Had a nice dinner with ewx on Wednesday night, and very enjoyable evening post-dinner. :-) Also managed to make a very cheesy macaroni cheese for sion_a before going out, because it didn't seem fair that he was always living on leftovers while I was running around and eating out and doing stuff.

Thursday lunchtime was spent shopping, which in retrospect was a Very Bad Idea as I now have No Money At All. However I did buy some nice new underwear (one black lacy set and one purple lacy set), and finally got my own copy of Richard Thompson's "Rumour and Sigh". Should have bought it on Amazon really, probably would've been cheaper, but I wanted to get it sooner dammit.

Thursday night pub was stressy in parts; partly because I really couldn't face trying to have Deep & Meaningful conversations in the middle of the pub. Seem to have ended up upsetting daneel_olivaw and sion_a as usual ... sometimes I really think I should just keep away from everybody. :-/

On the plus side, however, I was reassured by hearing from ottah this morning that she's not cross with me. Had been feeling awkwardness there but no idea why... seems we've both just been worrying about nothing.

Apprehensive about this weekend. The photo-shoot should be fun but does sound like quite hard work, & I am a bit nervous; the clubbing should be good from a dancing/music point of view, but I'm very nervous about the potential interpersonal stress. At this rate I may well end up just reverting to my time-honoured coping strategy of just dancing all night, without stopping, so that nobody gets any individual time with me. That way it's fair at least.

Camden at least should be okay; I mean, it's not like trying to herd a large group of goths around somewhere is ever stressful, is it? Particularly not when I get to watch them all spending hundreds of pounds on gorgeous clothes that I will never be able to afford. ... I really will have to avoid buying stuff though.


Feeling very ugly and stupid right now. Not the best state of mind in which to pose for photos. :-( Also, I've packed far too many possible outfits for Saturday and I just know that no matter what I wear and no matter how hard I try to look good I'll end up looking like an ugly gawky teenager ("sixteen, clumsy and shy... that's the story of my life"), while the people I'm with will look effortlessly gorgeous and sexy as usual. lnr looks like a goddess no matter what she wears, and I can't help feeling like I'm competing, even though I know I shouldn't be, don't need to, don't want to.

Feeling envious of other people's pretty clothes, too, which is stupid because even if I could afford them, no amount of expensive clothes are going to make me look attractive. I should be spending my money on something useful. Like plastic surgery, maybe.

The things I thought were budding wings? Looks like they're just chips on my shoulders.

Current Mood: elsewhere
Now playing: Captain Beefheart: Trout Mask Replica

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Comments
From: fluffymormegil Date: April 25th, 2003 05:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, I think you're attractive.
taimatsu From: taimatsu Date: April 25th, 2003 05:58 am (UTC) (Link)
It won't help much, I know, but I think you're gorgeous, and still find you immensely attractive :)

You listen to Richard Thompson too? I should get you together with Robert, I think you'd get on well :)
nevecat From: nevecat Date: April 25th, 2003 06:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Camden at least should be okay; I mean, it's not like trying to herd a large group of goths around somewhere is ever stressful, is it? Particularly not when I get to watch them all spending hundreds of pounds on gorgeous clothes that I will never be able to afford. ... I really will have to avoid buying stuff though.

The problem with goth-herding in Camden is somewhat akin to herding children at an amusement fair - you should hopefully be able to count heads and get the right number, but it doesn't mean you've got the *right ones*! :)

The other problem is making sure that old hands & newbies don't get separated - the former have already seen the Elyzium stall and Raven tops a hundred times, tried on half of the range and own another good quarter, and stride through with coats swirling, muttering about teeny-goths who ought to just stay home smoking pot in black-painted rooms and stay out of everyone else's way - the latter usually see something that catches their eye on the first stall, and run the risk of getting left behind...

sion_a From: sion_a Date: April 25th, 2003 06:27 am (UTC) (Link)
chips on my shoulders

You might be lucky and find they're silicon chips.
j4 From: j4 Date: April 25th, 2003 08:41 am (UTC) (Link)
<smile>

(Mind you, you'd be the one who objected if I did have silicon chips on my shoulders...!)
lnr From: lnr Date: April 25th, 2003 06:36 am (UTC) (Link)
lnr looks like a goddess no matter what she wears, and I can't help feeling like I'm competing, even though I know I shouldn't be, don't need to, don't want to.

And the stupid thing is I always feel exactly the same the other way round... *hugs*
(Deleted comment)
rysmiel From: rysmiel Date: April 25th, 2003 07:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Put the golden apple down and walk away slowly...
(Deleted comment)
rysmiel From: rysmiel Date: April 25th, 2003 08:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Nor I, they are alike in the calibre of their general wonderfulness as in not acknowledging it. How good it is to be pluralist. *hugs*
j4 From: j4 Date: April 25th, 2003 08:51 am (UTC) (Link)
<hugs> <kisses>
ewx From: ewx Date: April 25th, 2003 01:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*
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