As promised to various people (most recently miss_newham) and finally extracted from my mum's secret knitting archives (i.e. the ones in her head):

How to knit a cat

Head
Cast on 12 stitches. Work 46 rows garter stitch (all rows knit) and cast off. Fold in half and sew down sides, sewing across corners through both thicknesses to make ears. Stuff and sew up end.

Body
Cast on 25 stitches and knit 46 rows garter stitch. Sew as follows:

 ---- x----
|          |
|          |
x          x
o          o
|          |
|          |
 -----o----

Sew x to x to x and o to o to o. Sew up legs, stuff, and sew up underbelly.

Tail
Cast on 8 stitches and knit 46 rows garter stitch. Sew up, stuff and tighten stiches along seam to make it curl a bit.

Put it all together...
Sew head and tail to body, add eyes and nose.


When my mum followed this pattern she produced a cat about 2 inches long, like the tiniest kitten you can possibly imagine. When I followed the same pattern, the resulting cat was about 6 inches long, a big fat kitten with great big sprawly stitches, and it had a crooked head. BUT I LOVED IT.