Janet (j4) wrote,
Janet
j4

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Haven't felt so great since I first went west

I'm sleeping better. Okay, so I was shattered yesterday, but having been up till 4 a.m. drinking and stuff will always do that to me the next day. I'm feeling fine today, though, whereas until recently I'd have said that it would take me weeks to recover from a late night like that.

I'm cycling faster. I made it into work this morning in just under 20 minutes -- okay, that's probably slow for most people, but it's good going for me. Some of this is probably just the nicer weather meaning that I'm not carrying the extra weight of waterproofs and big coats, but normally I'd still be absolutely knackered after cycling fast for that long. As it is I felt a bit physically tired when I got in to work, but not deep-down bone-tired the way I have been feeling.

I don't seem to have a black cloud hanging over my thoughts all the time. I feel like I'm running to get ahead, not running to stand still. I don't feel like crying when I think about the future.

I'm not used to feeling like this. It feels like my body is bursting with energy, but not so much physical energy as emotional energy. Elemental energy. I feel like my skin's stretched tight over all the potential futures, waiting for something to break through.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago where I was running along a road, and the sky was bright with dark clouds on either side of me, and the wind was lifting me up; I wasn't flying, just being carried along by the airstream. "Run faster!" I was shouting; "Can't you feel the storm gathering?"

I feel like I can outrun the storm.
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