Then there's things that shouldn't exist, but do. First among these this week has to be the announcement of Fatboy Slim and David Byrne's musical about the life of Imelda Marcos. That's got to be more exciting than The Likes of Us, Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber's 1965 musical about the life of Dr Thomas Barnardo (yes, that one), which was premiered on R2 on Friday evening. It's not bad, and it benefits enormously from Stephen Fry's arch narratorly interventions, but it's rather a case of having-one's-cake-and-eating-it to come over all apologetically post-modern about one's juvenilia even as it's being launched with great fanfare and an all-star cast.
More wholehearted mockery comes from You Knit What??, a blog devoted to pointing and laughing at knitting patterns. (Ahh, the internet.) There seems to be a fast-growing web genre (for which I'm struggling to think of accurate paper analogies) which consists of excerpting things for the sole purpose of pithily and (hopefully) amusingly tearing them to pieces. Among the sites pointing the (admittedly often deserved) finger of derision are Ugly Dress (bridesmaid dresses), Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing (baby names), Museum of Bad Album Covers and Weight Watchers' Recipe Cards from 1974 (both of which do what they say on the tin -- I know, I know, I've touted the WW Cards and the baby names before, but they're still funny). I guess when publishing is free (as in beer, as in speech, and often as in jazz) there's no premium on contributing nothing but a well-turned sneer. Not that I'm complaining, she sneered.
Don't sneer on your passport photos, though, if you want them to be accepted. Don't smile, either. And when they start using fingerprints as ID instead, don't go swimming or get eczema. Don't indulge in anything resembling anti-social behaviour, either; in fact, go one stage further and proclaim your anti-ASB stance (and your fashion-consciousness) with a classy glow-in-the-dark wristband.
Easy, huh? If only everything was this black and white.