?

Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile Previous Previous Next Next
Still ill - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
j4
j4
Still ill
Read 22 | Write
Comments
vinaigrettegirl From: vinaigrettegirl Date: September 12th, 2005 01:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Congratulations on going through with it!

Cream together:
1/2 cup butter (you can use marg but butter really is better)
1/2 cup each of white sugar and medium brown sugar, the latter well-packed;

Beat in:

1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla

Sift, and then stir in:

1 cup + 2 tablespoons all-purpose white flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

Stir in:

1/2 cup (or more) of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped nutmeats (if liked; walnut or pecan rather than peanuts, which are too strong a taste in this recipe).

Bake at 375 degrees (I'll have to look up the gas mark on this one; about 5, IIRC) for about ten minutes.

Yeah, crying all the time is normal for this much upset. You sound classically stressed and hormonal, which is not surprising under the circumstances. Moving house is hard, you have a new FT partner in your life, you're stopping the Pill with all that implies, you're trying like mad to make your life more sorted and straightforward, and it all happens at once, all the time. What's not to cry about? It's not stupid paranoia, though, the fluttery stomach and the incipient terror; it's mostly biology, and transient biology at that. It's a wave; ride it when you can, fall off if you have to, get back on, and ride it some more. It's nothing to do with you, yourself, at all; it's electrochemistry acting up in your body until your body re-learns what to do with those signals.

Sometimes I go for days feeling timorous, wide-eyed, angry, and vulnerable as hell; can't bear it when the people I love are cross with me. It's Not Fair.
j4 From: j4 Date: September 12th, 2005 03:21 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Congratulations on going through with it!

It's not stupid paranoia, though, the fluttery stomach and the incipient terror; it's mostly biology, and transient biology at that.

I keep trying to tell myself that, but mostly it just so doesn't help. :-( I wish my body would have physical symptoms for physical things. I'd rather be throwing up every 5 minutes than feeling like that.

It's Not Fair.

First bit of life-guidance (can't think of a word for it, not exactly "moral" guidance) I ever remember getting from my parents was my dad telling me "nobody ever said life had to be fair" -- the context was computer games that I was upset at losing. (Owen says it's stupid advice, and it causes Learned Helplessness.)

I can't bear it when he's cross with me, though, even if he's just snappish because I'm interrupting his breakfast with boring admin about supermarket shopping; and it makes it even worse to know that most normal people would have probably killed me by now -- it's unfair that I get upset with him even when he's being nicer than I have a right to expect. And of course once I've got upset, even if it's just the upsetness equivalent of an involuntary "ow!" when stubbing a toe, it's an instant endless downward spiral of "Don't be so touchy" and "but in an argument four months ago you said" and guilt and anger and accusations. :-(
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 12th, 2005 06:45 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Congratulations on going through with it!

(Too hurried to log in.) {{{{{ aw }}}}}}. Ow.

Bodies can be feckwitted, always mixing stuff up when we've categorised everything so neatly....

All I can say is that your arguments and elements of t'other's crossness and your devastation are terribly familiar, and that isn't meant to minimise what you're going through, just saying that it's familiar. YOu have invested a great deal in your relationship with Owen and it's new and it's bloody important. (I think one of my Dad's most wounding maxims was "You're TOO SENSITIVE." and 'II also upbraids me for being touchy and having the memory of an elephant about words not spoken or if spoken then never meant. Therefore one is an idiot for not recognising what's meant and what isn't. PEOPLE!!!!)

The cookies will help. Try them, try them, you will see.
Read 22 | Write