I told the doctor the whole lot, about the ongoing stomach pains and the mood crashes and everything. He still doesn't actually know what's causing the stomach pains, but he's taken a million more blood samples to test for various Bad Stuff, and booked me for an ultrasound to check for gallstones (not as unlikely as you might think, my dad had his gallbladder out in his late 30s and his mum also had gallbladder problems when she was relatively young). It'll probably take a couple of months for me to move up the waiting list for that. He also said that it sounded quite unlikely that it was directly diet-related (though I suppose if my innards are squiffy anyway then eating things might make it worse), but if we can't find anything else then it might be worth trying an exclusion diet. However, he feels (and I'm with him on this one!) that we might as well do the other tests first, if only so we know what it isn't.
Incidentally, he says that if it was stomach ulcers then the first lot of tablets I got prescribed would have knocked them on the head immediately, and they didn't, so he's ruling that out. And he couldn't feel any odd lumps or anything when he poked my stomach ("I'm not poking it, I'm examining it!" -- still felt like a poke though), which is probably a good thing.
He's agreed that it wouldn't be a bad idea to come off the Pill altogether, and he gave sensible and non-patronising advice on contraception (thank goodness, otherwise I might have had to POKE HIM WITH A STICK), including telling me that the GP can prescribe the morning after pill for free (which I didn't know). He said he really doesn't think the Pill is what's causing the stomach pains, but he agrees it's probably at least partly to blame for the moods. So I'm coming off it at the end of this pack (soonish) and we'll see what happens. Hopefully I will magically have normal periods and no more stomach pains or horrible moods, but the doc says that's almost certainly wishful thinking (and he's probably right). It'd be interesting to see what I'm like "normally", i.e. without added hormones, though.
He hasn't prescribed me anything new for the stomach stuff, which is quite a relief both from a financial point of view (prescription charges don't half add up) but also from an OH GOD NOT MORE FVCKING DRVGS point of view. In the meantime, unfortunately, I still feel fairly wretched. I think I had about an hour's unbroken sleep last night, the rest of the night being spent tossing and turning and scrunching and stretching to try to get into a position where my stomach wasn't hurting. At about 4 a.m. I gave up and went to read for a bit and hug a badger and drink some Coke, on the grounds that the fizz might force some of the wind out (and if it didn't the book and badger would hopefully take my mind off things); this seemed to have some effect, at least, I managed to get some more restless sleep. More feeling rotten when I woke up, but after addedentry had headed off to work I made myself get up and drink some more Coke and go to work. (Since doing-nothing doesn't seem to make things any better, I may as well do something!) Have had nothing but Coke and water so far today and the pain is down to a manageable level -- not great but sufficiently reduced that I can sit at the computer and concentrate on stuff (well, as much as I ever can).
Despite the fact that it doesn't seem to make any difference what I eat (last night's fish fingers and chips and peas were nice, and didn't make me any better/worse) I've been dreading trying to eat something for lunch in case it does make me feel worse. But I have to eat something, and frankly I say bollocks to the whole feeling-guilty-about-eating thing -- even the doctor agreed that food is to be enjoyed! -- so I am going to go to the shops and find some tomato soup or BOVRIL or something that will feel like a bit of an invalid-luxury. :-) And if I feel better at the w/e I'll follow atommickbrane's suggestion and make some apple crumble.
Oh, and, the doctor weighed me, and apparently I am only nine stone, which is about a stone and a half lighter than last time I bothered to weigh, and not really very overweight at all, so god knows where that's all gone. If it turns out I've got a tapeworm, do you think they'll give me the choice of keeping it?