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Bathetic - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
j4
j4
Bathetic
I've been trying to get more sleep lately, but I'm glad I got to bed so late last night; if I hadn't done, I might have already been asleep when the giant over-door storage thingummy on the back of my bathroom door decided to descend in an ear-wrenching, metal-twisting, stuff-clattering heap, spewing medicines and toiletries all over the room. The bathroom, for those of you not acquainted with our house, is just about big enough for a toilet, sink and bath; so the hanging drawers (oo-er) on the back of the door are the only thing that fits.

The whole assemblage is currently leaning up against the not-airing cupboard (where the hot water tank used to be when the house was still a house of two halves, with a split-focus central heating system, and ... am I boring you?) opposite the toilet, because there's nowhere else for it to go until I can hoist it back onto the door (having twisted the metal hanging thing back into shape and screwed it on to the door this time) or just given up and bought a new one, which means that in order to use the facilities I have to sit at a peculiar angle. It doesn't make any practical difference, really, but it feels awfully precarious.

The interesting side-effect, though, is that the twisted wreck of the metal drawers is blocking the toilet-roll holder, so the roll is currently sitting on top of the radiator. It's winter. The heating is on. This means that, for the time being, I have heated toilet paper. It's surprisingly pleasant. Perhaps I've finally found my get-rich-quick niche: toilet roll holders with built-in heating mechanism.

The other positive result was that Candia McWilliam's A Case of Knives, which is frankly unmitigated toss and about as much 'the natural successor to Iris Murdoch' (or whatever inflated claim is made by the blurb) as I am the natural successor to Einstein, fell into the bath and is now sufficiently water-crinkled that I will feel justified in throwing it away. Okay, so it's not very water-crinkled really, but we take what excuses we can get. I'd kept it in the bathroom for years on the offchance that I might actually, during a protracted poo, be bored enough to finish reading it; but having waded through half of it I think I'd rather read the ingredients on the indigestion tablets.

Hopefully, too, the process of putting the bathroom back together will force me to get rid of some of the outdated medicines and superfluous toiletries. In case anybody is reading this who might be tempted to buy me a present any time in the next 20 years: I don't need any more soap. I know I'm a slob; I know sometimes I smell. (Terrible.) Besides, fancy soap is nice; Lush soap is, well, lush; and I'll forgive my sister for buying me the coffee-scented soap called "Flick the Bean" because it made me laugh. But honestly, I could wash three times a day for the next decade and still not make a dent in the soap mountain. Likewise, disposable razors may make it on to our anti-shopping-list, the list of things we absolutely don't need to buy even if they are on the Speciallest Multibuy Reward-Point Extravaganza Ever ("No tuna. No gin. ABSOLUTELY NO MILK."), unless I am faced with the imminent prospect of being responsible for the personal hygiene of a yeti.

*

But why am I still awake? Have I, overnight, been conditioned to eternal vigilance against falling furniture?

*

Perhaps sleep will come soon.

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Comments
From: minnesattva Date: January 21st, 2005 01:24 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry for the troubles in your bathroom, but delighted at your way of writing about them.
barrysarll From: barrysarll Date: January 21st, 2005 10:24 am (UTC) (Link)
I understand the concept of an undentable soap mountain, but can there really be an unassailable gin lake?
j4 From: j4 Date: January 21st, 2005 10:41 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, kind of. We have about 8 bottles of gin, from nice Plymouth to cheap-and-dirty newsagent-gin. Which is not a lake as such really, but I'm the only person in the house who drinks it, and I don't drink as much of it now because it's so hard to get tonic water that doesn't have bloody sweeteners in, & while neat gin is nice I am a bit of a gurly lightweight.

OTOH if somebody gave me a big bottle of Plymouth gin I would find a home for it somewhere. I mean it doesn't go off, does it?
barrysarll From: barrysarll Date: January 21st, 2005 10:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Indeed it does not.
As an alternative mixer, I recommend orange juice (sipping on gin'n'juice = one of the very few things I have in common with Snoop Dogg). Those who like cola seem happy using that, too.
keirf From: keirf Date: January 21st, 2005 11:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Gin should be mixed with sloes and sugar, and left for a year.
j4 From: j4 Date: January 21st, 2005 11:31 am (UTC) (Link)
No no no! Half-and-half gin-and-tonic, big glass, slices of lemon and lime, lots of ice, sunshine, happy j4.
keirf From: keirf Date: January 21st, 2005 02:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, yes I like gin like that too. Well, except that I don't usually put a happy j4 in along with the ice, lemon and lime.
j4 From: j4 Date: January 21st, 2005 11:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Gin and coke? Really? I mean, I like both, but I also like Baileys and Bovril, and I wouldn't mix the two.

Not convinced by gin & orange either, but gin & grapefruit juice is nice. Or gin & bitter lemon, but that has the same problem as the tonic.

Damn. WANT GIN NOW.
keirf From: keirf Date: January 21st, 2005 02:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mmm. Baileys and Bovril. I hadn't thought of that - I usually use Marmite.
fanf From: fanf Date: January 21st, 2005 02:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Or grapefruit juice.
(Deleted comment)
j4 From: j4 Date: January 21st, 2005 11:32 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: One was Texas medicine, the other was just Railroad Gin

Eeehhh. I have had bad experience with gin-based cocktails. Not sure I could look a pink gin in the eye again...
(Deleted comment)
j4 From: j4 Date: January 21st, 2005 11:41 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: One was Texas medicine, the other was just Railroad Gin

So presumably when you fall off the wagon the same applies!

I would have to be very drunk before I was persuaded to drink pink gin again. ... Though maybe that was the problem with the pink gin last time.
brrm From: brrm Date: January 21st, 2005 01:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: One was Texas medicine, the other was just Railroad Gin

The more I read that, the odder it looks.

How much pink gin can Jan drink, if Jan can drink pink gin?
addedentry From: addedentry Date: January 21st, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
... begin again!
burkesworks From: burkesworks Date: January 21st, 2005 05:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Candia McWilliam's A Case of Knives

Believe me, you could be stuck on the bog after a dinner of steak and ale pie, Dundee cake and Guinness and you would not want to plough through Ms. McWilliam's turgid prose. One gets the feeling that had she been something other than some Sloaney type she wouldn't have got within a hundred miles of a lucrative publishing contract, let alone been compared to Iris Murdoch. Using a copy of Roget's Thesaurus is not difficult.

By the way, here's a great way of disposing of unwanted books; give them to someone with pet gerbils or hamsters. These friends of mine in Sheffield, who have kept rodents for years, had a couple of healthy happy gerbils called Bardot and Loren who lived contentedly on a diet of Mills and Boon novels, Gideon bibles and cheap Chinese-published editions of Das Kapital and the Communist Manifesto, though I suspect that the collected works of Candia McWilliam would have induced the same effects on these animals as steak and ale pie, Dundee cake and Guinness would on the likes of us.
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