Another weekend of spending too much and drinking too much, giving too much in places, taking too much in others. Wanting too much, always wanting too much. I feel like I have so little time, both locally and globally. ("But at my back I always hear / Time's winged chariot hurrying near".) I feel like I need to reach out and grasp everything within reach before it passes me by. I start to resent anybody who seems to be holding me down, holding me back; unfair, yes, and irrational, but sometimes I can't help feeling it.
Coming down is always the hard part. "Withnail & I" reminded us again that we'd failed to paint it black. "24 Hour Party People" drove the message home: what's left is always an empty building and the ashes of yesterday's smoke. The sign will always say "Factory Closing".
I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I just don't have enough time. I look ahead at the week and I'm out tonight, then seeing
I can't miss a thing. I can't let things go by. I can't stop. I can't carry on like this.
...
Going to see
Right now I just want to crawl away and hide.