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I see shapes - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
I see shapes
There has been an organisational shakeup in the Ministry of Dreams; they are finally sending me something better with which to beguile my sleeping hours. Last night I dreamed there was a REAL LIVE BADGER in our garden. sion_a was persuading it not to dig up the only tree in the garden, a tiny and neatly-shaped tree in the middle of a vast well-kept lawn; he had made it dig up the tree again and mark it with a scent that told badgers not to dig there. As the badger performed this obviously unwelcome task it was wailing in a most distressed way, but I stroked it a lot and it calmed down. At first I was being very careful to stroke it with my sleeve tucked over my hand so that I could not catch any diseases from it, but soon I decided that I wanted to stroke it properly. Its fur was soft and warm. I would be happy for more of my dreams to involve the comforting of badgers.

The night before, I dreamed about my boss. In the dream, I was supposed to be going on some kind of road-trip with her, and we were still at the stage of packing my car with all the things we needed. Throughout our preparations for the trip she was being very affectionate, we were hugging frequently and protractedly, and I was very excited -- about both the journey ahead and the way she was acting towards me -- but not aroused; just delighted and optimistic. Perhaps the excitement held the potential to be sexual, but in the dream it was bright and uncomplicated. I was taller than her, in the dream, and she rested her head against my chest as I held her. In real life I have never been able to hold anybody like that. At five feet and one-and-a-bit inches I am moderately unlikely to find a lover shorter than myself; even most women are taller than me.

It feels somehow fraudulent describing the emotions of dreams, because of my nagging suspicion that I may be merely projecting waking feelings onto them after the fact. However, when I wake up, while the dream is still fresh in my mind, the emotional afterimages seem very strong; so if I am adding to them rather than remembering them, I am doing it subconsciously and instantaneously on waking. Besides, what does it mean to 'actually' experience an emotion in a dream? Would my body register the same physiological changes in the dream as it would if I experienced that emotion while awake? Is that what defines an emotion? Is there any art to find the mind's construction in the body? It's my body, and I don't mind.

But a dream of fair woman has turned my mind to female matter. I think of the first woman I kissed; I could not call her face to mind in any detail (I remember pre-Raphaelite ringlets and a tender mouth) but I remember the feeling of wonder and delight. The sensation was sweet, but it was the symmetry that held me spellbound: we were mirror-images, for that moment reflecting only one another, sealed in a separate world. With a man I am a space for him to fit into; with a woman I am a positive form, my curves and lines in counterpoint to hers. With a man I have a sense that together we have created a single indivisible whole, greater than the sum of its parts; with a woman, a sense that we are two, divided yet multiplied like the images in opposite mirrors, meeting in the middle of infinity. Neither is a lesser or greater harmony than the other.

It can be hard to believe in anything when all I see is patterns.

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Comments
From: besskeloid Date: January 13th, 2005 12:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
I remember pre-Raphaelite ringlets and a tender mouth

That's heartwarming to read.
geekette8 From: geekette8 Date: January 13th, 2005 01:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was a joy to read. Thank you.
venta From: venta Date: January 13th, 2005 01:19 pm (UTC) (Link)

But only when you argue ?

I am moderately unlikely to find a lover shorter than myself

Am I the only person who finds it immensely entertaining to travel on escalators with other people ? The person who was previously slightly taller than you steps on ahead to the escalator, and - as if by magic - slowly shrinks to a huggable head-on-chest level. Or, if you're lucky, you can leap a couple of steps ahead and bite your companion's knees.

Hmm. Maybe it is just me.
geekette8 From: geekette8 Date: January 13th, 2005 02:21 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: But only when you argue ?

It's not just you :-)

I'm 5'10" and my DH is 5'4", so about the only time we get a "proper" cuddle is on the stairs or on an escalator :-)
j4 From: j4 Date: January 13th, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: But only when you argue ?

It's not just you. I have observed the potential of escalators to facilitate neck-biting (when your tall-person is standing in front of you on a down-escalator, facing forwards) but I hadn't considered knee-biting -- thanks for the tip!
From: fluffymormegil Date: January 13th, 2005 03:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: But only when you argue ?

I think I'd find having my neck bitten dangerously distracting on an escalator :)
j4 From: j4 Date: January 13th, 2005 03:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: But only when you argue ?

That's part of the fun!

Besides, there's barely time to break the skin on a normal-length escalator.
addedentry From: addedentry Date: January 13th, 2005 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Angel. In at least three senses.
j4 From: j4 Date: January 13th, 2005 04:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Down the escalator we go together

What's the third sense? Touch, taste, ... ?

(Okay, I suppose I hear you when you yelp. Not that it makes me stop.)
From: fluffymormegil Date: January 13th, 2005 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: But only when you argue ?

That's OK, skin-breakage would definitely fall under "too far" in public :)
Having my neck judiciously bitten is sufficiently Fun that I'd conceivably be in danger of tripping over the end of the escalator, which counts as very firmly Not Fun.
rysmiel From: rysmiel Date: January 14th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: But only when you argue ?

Smooching on escalators is one of the few things I have agreed to restrict to a specific relationship. [ One where the height-difference on standard escalators is exactly right for it. ]
redbird From: redbird Date: January 16th, 2005 03:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: But only when you argue ?

The two of you are very sweet to watch when you do that.
hairyears From: hairyears Date: January 14th, 2005 01:46 am (UTC) (Link)
The first time any man kisses a woman it's a wonder and a delight. Glad to hear you get that, too.
pippaalice From: pippaalice Date: January 14th, 2005 02:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
hello! Alex alerted me to your journal and after seeing your interesting discusion with Mr Timothy Mark Chipping I was wondering if I could add you to my flist? :D
j4 From: j4 Date: January 14th, 2005 04:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sure, of course!

(Is that "interesting discussion" in the same sense as "interesting times"?)
From: (Anonymous) Date: June 24th, 2008 12:46 am (UTC) (Link)

arron shutt

the grim reaper pointing at sistermoonshine13 who is Joel Tao, these are all the children of satan's high priest wizard d.min jeremy taylor of starr king school of ministry, janetmck, janet mcknight, diana hughey, they all stole the God spoken created name ministry of dreams, to ruin God's servant of his salvation and God is ruining them and makes them run to remove like d.min jeremy taylor m.a. will, tell satan taylor watch his soothsaying career end and then he laughs but removes ministry of dreams, kathryn taylor loved till ruint then left, mock her, till death do us part, they are witchs like jim garrison, rebecca ann parker, gina halpern, richard rosen, susan rosen, wizard amy brucker, they, most, posted his article, or stole, the name ministry of dreams to make prophet fall, all release ruint, this is duncan rouleaus family, they want Gods servant to fall,
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