What would you be if you were...
A cat, probably. Alternating between playful and moody. Gently rubbing up against you and purring one minute, and clawing bloody lines down you the next. (If you're lucky. Hehehe.)
A Morris Minor! pto452 is me. Curvy, shiny, an absolute vision of a s3xxy g0th fet15h chyxx0r in black, chrome, and red leather (hey, okay, I can dream) ... stands out from the crowd, people think she's daft but they just don't understand; drives like a dream provided you don't push her too hard. Push her too hard and she complains bitterly and eventually falls apart. ... Sometimes you can hear my gears grinding.
Probably the extended bloody 10-minute long 12" remix of something that people put on the jukebox because they haven't heard it for ages, then get bored of it after 20 seconds. Probably "Shiny Shiny", by Haysi Fantayzee.
Oh, okay, okay, better answer... A-side: "Dancing Fool" by Frank Zappa. Kitsch, clever, fast, silly, impossible to dance to. B-side: "Angel, Angel, Down We Go Together" by Morrissey. Mopey, angsty, emotionally over-the-top, but kind of touching anyway.
Sharon fruit. Nutty on the outside, soft on the inside, no difficulty freeing the orangey bit. Like a cross between an armadillo and a jaffa cake! ... What-EVER. Is it the weekend yet?
a sitcom character?
The Jewish mother in "So Haunt Me". Hangs around and just won't take the bloody hint to JUST GO THE FUCK AWAY, but you can't help listening to her anyway, and hell, she's kind of funny really, and she's usually only trying to help. Well, and interfere. But mostly help.
Oxford. Reaching towards the sky, stuck on the ground. (City of expiring dreams.) Romantic but also full of commercialism and materialism. Floods occasionally.
a character from Shakespeare?
Hamlet, without a doubt. Wears black, whines about everything but never bloody does anything, makes a mess of it when he does do it, but makes good speeches about it in the meantime.
I am Hamlet's LiveJournal. (I am Jack's delusions of grandeur.)
(Almost, at times, the fool.)
a kitchen utensil?
Well, I'd like to be one of those huge Chinese cleavers ... ohh yes. Mmmm. ... Where was I? Ah, yes -- I suspect I'm actually more like a stainless steel colander: shiny, gets plenty of veg, but still full of holes.