August 25th, 2005



Addendum to the previous post:

Could people PLEASE, PLEASE, stop asking if I'm pregnant? I get this every time I mention the health problems I've been having, and I can't stand it any longer. I'm about as certain as it's possible to be that I'm NOT pregnant. I know I'm fat, and I know I feel like shit in the mornings, but both of those things have been true since I was a teenager, and neither of those things actually mean I'm pregnant. And frankly it hurts like a punch in the stomach every time somebody asks me. The thing I want more than anything else in the world is to have children, but judging from the state my body is in it's unlikely ever to happen, and even if it turns out that it is physically possible, a) I can't afford it, and b) plenty of people have told me it would be criminally irresponsible to have children given that I still suffer from depression. It breaks my heart every day that I'm wasting my entire life pretending I want a "career" in being a glorified secretary (glorified by having "web" in the job description) while the "career" I want is that of being a mother. That's bad enough. But being reminded about it all the time, particularly by people who are already mothers, just makes it too much to bear.