April 14th, 2005


Putting the 'ack' into 'blog'

I've left my photos on the computer at home that I can't ssh to from work -- hurrah for joined-up technology! -- so I can't finish the rambling pictorial writeup of the Easter Bank Holiday weekend that I was planning. Still, it's only half a month overdue, and in the meantime I've managed to get a few other things done. Oh, nothing interesting; just the usual life-admin, shuffling bank accounts and so on -- though in a positive way, and not on the same scale as Rosie Millard, who has now hit back at all the people who failed to sympathise with her for having no money (but five houses). Amusing to see the Motley Fool making a moral out of this molehill, though.

I've not been using all my time so productively, though. The other day I drew a pig, and it told me some interesting things about myself. Clever pig! (Don't worry, this doesn't herald the start of my descent into the murky waters of furry artwork.) If you want something more realistically porcine, there's always Interfauna (not to be confused with Zeta Creations, who may well stock pig-related products but I'm so not about to check at work). Interfauna also do badgers, natch (though Zeta don't!), and I am sorely tempted by their badger doorstop.

But enough gratuitous fluff. If you'd rather eat cute animals than cuddle them, how about fluffy microbes instead? If it's the fluff that turns you uff, it would be a hard-hearted soul who could fail to be delighted by a cheery stress-relief sperm.

Basically, if you can imagine it, you can buy it on the internet; and if you can't, somebody else probably already has done. Which makes it all the more disappointing that the recent searches on froogle are all too often such a mundane list (table lamp, Listerine, sports bra, hat rack... hat rack? ... and, somewhat prematurely, christmas crackers). The .com counterpart is only slightly better (featherbed, donut maker, pregnancy test, Scrabble deluxe -- okay, actually, this is a lifestyle I could get behind). Of course, the most-recent list changes with every bored and desperate press of F5, so you can keep reloading until amid the stultifying stream of ugg boots and iPods, balsamic vinegar and hiking boots, argyle socks and bagless vacuums, there's suddenly a "mullet wig" (who knew there was a market for these?) or the endearingly undemanding "biscuits".

In work, our biscuit needs are currently catered for by Choco Leibniz. This is clearly an infinitely extensible range, and I eagerly await the introduction of Malthus Milk biscuits, or Hobbesnobs.