July 19th, 2004



... all my troubles seemed so far away. Spent a happy day catching up on 3 years' worth of missed conversation with rysmiel.

Today, everybody seems to be unhappy. What can I say to friends who think they'd be better off dead? It seems selfish to point out that they're contributing positive things to my life, that in my view they're making the world a better place, when I have nothing to offer them in return.

All I want is to be a good friend to the people I care about. It's sometimes nice to imagine that one day I'll be a good partner for somebody, but that's getting into the realm of useless daydreaming; the friendship's the important thing. I just wish I knew how to go about it.

In the meantime, no, I'm not "broken", I'm not about to "do anything stupid", I'm "coping" just fine, and nobody should feel obliged to post "*hugs*". I just sometimes wonder in idle moments if there's more to life than getting up, going to work, coming home, and going to sleep; and of course managing to offend and upset a few people in the times inbetween. I used to think there could be more:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (attrib.)

but despite my efforts I certainly don't think I can tick any of those yet, except possibly appreciating beauty and finding the best in others -- it doesn't seem to make other people any happier if I see the best in them, though, so I'm unsure what the point of that one is -- and try as I might I can't see any of the rest of them being achieved any time soon. Perhaps I should concentrate on the garden.