July 7th, 2003


Come all you upstart jugglers

Well, I didn't run away with the circus -- this time -- but I did spend a great afternoon/evening yesterday juggling and club-swinging (and drinking!) at the Carlton Arms beer festival. And singing, and dancing, and handstands, and hugging, and kissing, and living.

Lovely to see the people I love, and meet new people too -- Richard from Patchwork Circus who taught me new juggling tricks and gave me a back massage and made me smile; Tom who played guitar and knew nearly all the words to Johnny Be Good, and said that I could be a backing singer in his band; and Al who offered to make me stilts for free (though I've offered a decorated cake in return), and his wife and daughter whose names I don't think I ever got. Didn't really meet Heather McVey (who I gather is fairly well-known on the local music scene) but was very impressed by her singing, particularly the Tracy Chapman songs & some rather cool acoustic versions of Cure songs.

And lnr and I danced on the grass, and then danced some more in the car park, with the summer sun setting on the Arbury. And then we did handstands, because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

That's what life's supposed to be like.

Earlier in the weekend there was more beer, and also much shopping with hoiho. So much shopping that we had to leave bikes in town. I bought a pile of books, a handful of CDs, some clothes (bad j4! Do not need new clothes!), a new electric razor (well, I have had the old one for over 10 years now, and I got a £100 holiday voucher for spending over £15 in Boots), and lots of interesting food from the Chinese supermarket. And then silly stuff in Claire's Accessories when we went back in to pick the bikes up on Sunday. And it was fun, even if I shouldn't have been spending that much money (but some of it was birthday money, and I had just paid lots of money into my account...).


And then even earlier in the weekend there was much angst. Which seems to have faded now but at the same time I feel like things are broken, and getting more broken, and I don't know how to fix them.


Currently trying to write job applications. Putting in applications for a couple of library-ish and publishing-ish jobs; considering whether to apply for this job (thanks, addedentry) despite the fact that it's in Oxford; and also considering applying for a job selling pianos at Ken Stevens. And bar work at the Carlton (though Terri says they don't need anybody at the moment). And various other random mad stuff. And yet I'll probably still end up working in a bloody office.

I just want to do something that doesn't make me feel like I'm wasting my life. Sunday afternoon/evening felt like a better use of time than the entire past year I've worked at ProQuest. Maybe I'm just a hedonist. Or maybe it's just that I think making people happy is more important than making money for people in suits.

What should I do with my life? Can sing, can dance, can juggle a little. Can make babies smile... and make grown women cry. Any suggestions?
  • Current Music
    Bob Dylan, "Just Like a Woman"