March 19th, 2003


Much further out than you thought

I feel so far from everybody.


Spent last night hiding in my Lerkim (sadly, I can't find a picture of the original Lerkim on the web!). Got lots of stuff done that I can't do at work -- printing photos, uploading user pics for pto452, and trying to write a job application. This job is one that I definitely would want if they offered it to me -- it's an administrative job at the Refugee Council in Oakington: sounds interesting, is significantly better paid than my current job, and is more worthwhile.) Also made a start on scanning and keying the Morris Minor (Series II) owner's manual -- I want to turn it into a useful and properly cross-referenced web resource for moggy owners.

I feel as though I should feel that I've achieved something.

Gordon from Cambridge Kitchens came round this morning at 8:45a.m. (!) to take some more measurements and confirm some bits of the kitchen design. Probably just as well we had that early appointment to get us out of bed; I didn't get to sleep till after 3a.m. (didn't finish job application till 2a.m., had a bath, then tossed and turned and generally felt grotty and eventually got to sleep in the ungodly hours of the morning. And just when I was starting to think that sleep was getting better (actually slept through the previous two nights!).


Trying to make a conscious effort to be cheerful. To be honest, it doesn't really feel any more fake or forced than any other emotions at the moment.
  • Current Music
    Stina Nordenstam: People are Strange

Odd. Most odd.

I phoned up to tell the NHS that I wasn't going to attend the interview for that job I was dithering about ... and then told them that I would be attending. I just changed my mind somewhere between dialing the number and actually getting to the reason for my call.

I think it's partly that Cogwheel have finally got round to finding me a counselling appointment that I can actually get to, and it's at lunchtime on the same day; so I think some part of my brain said "Might as well take the day as holiday and do both things". Actually, I was hoping to work at home instead, but Cynical Richard says he'd rather I didn't. Maybe he's getting wise to the fact that I'd just sit there livejournalling the whole time. :-/

Basically though I don't really know why I did it, and now I'm having second thoughts about it already, and I feel even more confused. I guess I could always ring them back a couple of days later and pretend I've been offered another job since then, so I won't be doing the interview...


As regards the other poll, the one about my birthday... I'm really starting to tend towards the "don't do the seminar, have the party WHEN I GODDAMN WANT IT" side of the argument. The seminar is expensive and given the way I'm feeling at the moment I don't know if I'd get that much out of it. I think in a way I'd rather just have a long weekend with a bloody great party in the middle of it.

Still not totally decided yet though. God, why am I such a useless heap of indecision at the moment?