January 15th, 2003

badgers

Talking 'bout a resolution

Many years ago, I made a New Year's resolution that I wasn't going to rely on spurious points in the endless cycle of the seasons to make new resolves concerning changes in my life. (Yes, I was a facetious little object.)

In some ways, though, I think I had the right idea -- I shouldn't have to wait for New Year to come around before I can change my life in any way. On the other hand, the human mind is a funny old thing, and sometimes the force of the "new beginning" aspect of the New Year is enough to kickstart it into actually making the changes it keeps idly contemplating.

I spent most of the last year drifting. I've decided that this year I have to make some changes to my life. In a way, it doesn't really matter if they're the "right" changes -- whatever that may mean -- I just need to prevent myself sinking any lower into this godawful rut. That's not to say that I'm making change solely for change's sake, but I'm perhaps bothering to try to change things that I might not otherwise worry about, just to see if I can take control of any aspects of my life.

So, this year I have made some New Year's resolutions; they're an odd mixture of trivialities and more serious stuff, but even the trivialities have a point to them.

At least one person has told me that they don't like to reveal their New Year's resolutions, because they feel that this will somehow jinx them. Perhaps there's also a feeling that if they don't tell anybody, nobody will hold them accountable if they fail to keep the resolutions. However, the reason I'm posting them here rather than just keeping them to myself is that I want to feel that I'm accountable for them -- even if nobody reads this list, I know it's here, I know it's publicly available, and that might just be enough to give me the extra willpower I need.

I know that if you read these you'll think I'm making mountains out of molehills, but as I say, this is all really about the wider issues of control, agency, willpower and change.

(BTW, apologies if the formatting of the list is screwed -- it seems to have acres of unnecessary whitespace inbetween the two tables, and I can't work out why, but I haven't got time to fix it if I want to post this before I go home. Any suggestions welcomed.)

[Update: should now be fixed! Thanks to the people who explained LJ's auto-formatting to me...]

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