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shadows of echoes of memories of songs
Sex and drugs and rock'n'roll
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rysmiel From: rysmiel Date: October 1st, 2004 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
And I didn't think there was much that I, being an ugly neurotic mess, could offer these people who looked so self-contained, so competent and clever and, well, grown-up, while I was still running around drinking and shouting and wearing daft clothes, like a child let loose in playgroup.

I wonder whether you see how very very appealing the ability to run around drinking and shouting and wear daft clothes - the freedom to let yourself do your own thing even if it involves making mistakes - can come across to people struggling with a cocoon of paralysing terror at the thought of doing... anything at all, really. Not that this is necessarily a good thing for such a person to act on - it's way too easy to overcompensate once you do get out of the cocoon, or at least I found it so.

I still feel as though I'm not grown up enough for most of my peers.

There are values of "grown-up" I've fought hard against becoming, and others I've had to work on - still am working on - undoing. [ work-related guilt ethics are a large pile of no fun at all. ] Think I'm doing OK at being open to new opportunities and cool things coming my way, rather than being "sensible" in ways that preclude taking the odd chance.
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