Janet (j4) wrote,

  • Mood:

Keep your own counsel

Still angry about the counselling appointment. What the nice lady at the General Practice forgot to tell me when she recommended The Cogwheel Trust was that they're a Christian counselling organisation. Which is, quite frankly, the last thing I want. So they mentioned this when they were going through all the introductory blurb, and I reacted with surprise, and then had to explain why I wasn't entirely happy with it. The thing is, while I did have very bad experiences with the church and am still very angry and bitter about a lot of it, I don't think it's terribly relevant to my current mental state. I mean, it's not something I think about unless people try to "witness" (*shudder*) to me, or try to persuade me to come to church (or to FREE PIZZA! and a short talk about how much Jesus loves you) with them.

Once we'd got through that, though, the rest of the session wasn't much better. I'm more and more starting to think that I just don't get on with counselling in general. I'm sick and tired of answering the same questions again and again about when I did what, I'm sick of being told that I'm trying to trivialise certain aspects of my past when in fact I've just got over them, taken what's useful from them and moved on. It's like I'm not allowed to only be bothered by specific things; I have to work through all the same stuff again every single goddamned time. I mean, I know it's all intertwingled, but honestly. I want some "counselling for people who've already had so much counselling they can't keep track" sessions. Advanced counselling for long-term fruitcakes.

Anyway, at least I've only wasted £30; I have to pay for the trial session, but they're letting me "decide whether I want to continue" and I think I already know the answer to that one. I think I'd be better spending the money on cake, or train tickets to Oxford, or something.

Actually, that's a great idea. I'll set aside the money I would have spent on counselling and use it to buy nice things. :)

* * *

Oh, since I'm here, I might as well do the latest viral self-labelling exercise.

A - Act your age? When I have to.
B - Born on what day of the week? Friday. ("Works hard for a living"? Yeah, right.)
C - Chore you hate? Hoovering.
D - Dad's name? Cliff McKnight
E - Essential makeup item? nailvarnish (all 50-odd colours that I have...)
F - Favorite actor? Judy Garland.
G - Gold or silver? Silver.
H - Hometown? No idea what this means. Born in Uxbridge; raised in Crawley Down, Bramhall, Loughborough; lived in Oxford and Cambridge since then. Don't feel at home anywhere really, except possibly Oxford, and some areas of Switzerland.
I - Instruments you play? Piano, violin, viola, recorder (sop, descant, treble, tenor), flute (badly), guitar (worse). ("My name's Janet, and I play the fool.")
J - Job title? Editorial Assistant. (Should be "Speaks-to-programmers.")
K - Kids? I hope so. I really hope so.
L - Living arrangements? Me and sion_a, big house, lots of books, too many computers. Hopefully some cats soon, too.
M - Mum's name? Denise.
N - Number of people you've slept with? Er, 26-ish, modulo a) definitions of "slept with" (Does it COUNT? Moo.) and b) unaccountable memory lapses.
O - Overnight hospital stays? Yes, one. Useful learning experience.
P - Phobia? Flying ants. Filling in forms.
Q - Quote you like? Too many to list! How about "Sometimes in life you've got to dance like nobody's watching".
R - Religious affiliation? No thanks, I'm trying to give it up.
S - Siblings? One younger sister.
T - Time you wake up? 7:45, when James Naughtie's dulcet tones wake me into another dull day.
U - Unique habit? That horrible thing I can do with my eyes. Basically rolling them round independently of each other.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? None, but given a choice I'll avoid celery.
W - Worst habit? Playing minesweeper. Chewing my fingers. God, so many to choose from! Changing the subject between asking a question and getting an answer.
X - X-rays you've had? Teeth only (but quite a lot of those).
Y - Yummy food you make? fruitcaaaaaaake!
Z - Zodiac Sign? Taurus (load of bull if you ask me)
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