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and - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
I tried to phone my mum last night because she doesn't mind when I just phone up and cry at her for an hour but she wasn't in and my dad answered and much though I love my dad he doesn't do girly emotional stuff so we had half a conversation about email accounts and his collection of Nigerian spam because he collects it and writes about it and people find out that it is all a hoax by reading his web page so I suppose it's a public service and I offered him a gmail invite but he didn't want one which reminds me I have 5 if anybody wants one but everybody's got them now so probably nobody does want one and in the end I just curled up around my giant badger and cried and cried and got his fur all wet though he didn't mind or at least he didn't say so if he did and then I thought maybe going to the pub would help because I could drink and try to forget about everything and it sort of worked and we won free beer and both the people I didn't marry are still nice people to talk to though one is more odd than the other though he did give me books so that's nice and Steve gave me and Sion a lift home which was good of him and I didn't cry at all even when I got home and checked mail and everything and I lay in the bath until it went cold three times over and had to be topped up each time just reading a Saint book which I've forgotten to bring into work with me which is a shame because I could do with it now but baths are safe and warm and work is neither and my team are all in meetings and I wish they were here because they are good people and it will be a shame to leave this job to move elsewhere for reasons that no longer count to do something I won't be able to do anyway and I feel so fucking cold despite the coffee and my head aches because of the coffee and because of the lack of sleep because in the end I didn't sleep until 3am and the screen is too bright and the room is too bright and the noise of my typing is too loud and I'm still cold so cold and if I could just vanish out of existence and never have been right now I would do it without a moment's thought which is the wish that nobody guessed but what use are wishes anyway
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oldbloke From: oldbloke Date: September 2nd, 2004 03:15 am (UTC) (Link)
I guessed, but no way was I going to reinforce the negativity.
naranek From: naranek Date: September 2nd, 2004 03:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh no, not another one ...

Hey .. *hugs*. I'm at Bloodstock until Sunday, then rehearsing until Monday, but am free after that if you need me? We don't know each other all that well, but I'm told I'm good at huggage. I'm naranek001 on AIM, and on MSN by rrw@semiramis.org.uk if you need.

I know it doesn't help, though, and all I can do is sympathise, with whatever it is.

j4 From: j4 Date: September 2nd, 2004 03:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh no, not another one ...

Um. Thanks.
naranek From: naranek Date: September 2nd, 2004 06:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Sorry ... I think a good 75% of everyone I know's life has gone up the spout in the last month :-( (including mine). Bah.
nevecat From: nevecat Date: September 2nd, 2004 03:21 am (UTC) (Link)

Why the hell /does/ crying make people feel so bloody cold, anyway?
hairyears From: hairyears Date: September 2nd, 2004 04:24 am (UTC) (Link)
Hugs. Surely someone in Cambridge can treat you to lunch - you deserve it.
taimatsu From: taimatsu Date: September 2nd, 2004 05:02 am (UTC) (Link)
I am going to be in Cambridge for a birthday on the 12 September. If you'd like to meet up before or after that (on preceding or following days) I would be very happy to arrange to around for longer. I haven't seen you for far too long. And we can talk about the bad stuff (on both parts) or not, just as you like. Hugs and nice food, at any rate. Would that be good?

(I'd offer *hugs* but they're just not the same online. You know I care about you and hope you don't feel like this for long.)
j4 From: j4 Date: September 2nd, 2004 02:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
It would be nice to meet up. Yes.

12th... no idea what I'm doing then. Was going to be away that weekend, but that's off now. Am busy on the 14th, at work. Other than that I have no idea. About anything. :-(
taimatsu From: taimatsu Date: September 2nd, 2004 03:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, I'll check my diary in the morning, and then, if it would help, I will be as organised as I can be and possibly gently bossy in order to ensure we do do something. You know my organised isn't *very* organised, so hopefully this will not be irksome. (It'll just mean I suggest a fully-formed plan instead of going through lengthy wibblesome idea-gathering stages.) Please say if this approach is bad.

addedentry From: addedentry Date: September 2nd, 2004 05:15 am (UTC) (Link)
... no she said no I won't No.
huskyteer From: huskyteer Date: September 2nd, 2004 05:17 am (UTC) (Link)
But if you're going to go and click on 'post comment' you're bound to catch at least a passing glimpse...
d_floorlandmine From: d_floorlandmine Date: September 2nd, 2004 07:03 am (UTC) (Link)
[remote hugs], although I'm likely to be in near Cambridge 10th October ...
From: besskeloid Date: September 2nd, 2004 10:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw. Janet, Janet, Janet. I hope you're feeling OK after that big cry.
From: besskeloid Date: September 2nd, 2004 11:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, you went to see that pongy flower, didn't you? Hope you're still fine.
j4 From: j4 Date: September 3rd, 2004 12:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Not really. :-( Crying just leaves me headachey and queasy and miserable.

At least I got some sleep, and couldn't remember any of my dreams. Then I woke up and felt okay for about 10 seconds before I remembered everything and just wanted to cry again.

I just want to go to sleep and stay that way.
Read 15 | Write