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A Question of Spam - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
A Question of Spam
I've noticed that a lot of the junk emails I get have questions as their subject lines. So, as a kind of mixture of "found text", countermemetics and low-budget "reality" entertainment, I decided to make them into one of those exciting surveys.


1. Would you like to help people and get paid for it?

Definitely, definitely. Well, I do, in a very small way. But I'd like to do something more worthwhile, and that's something I'm slowly working towards.

2. do you remember your teen years?

Only too clearly.

3. Can we have a moment?

Um... what sort of "moment"?

4. Bad Back pain?

Occasionally, in the past. I think it was a result of bad workstation setup; it went away, anyway.

5. Don't you need someone to love?

Don't we all?

6. do you wish you were 20 again?

Sometimes. 20 was a pretty bad time, but if I could be 20 again with the extra knowledge I have now I'd definitely do some things differently.

7. is your boyfriend fat?

No.

8. is it true you two had sex last ngiht?

Hah! As if.

9. Do you want to talk to a man?

Yeah. But hey, women sleep with men so they can talk to them, men talk to women so they can sleep with them.

10. how is your hsuabnd?

I dno't hvae oen.

11. need Xanax?

It's a possibility. A large blunt object would do, though.

12. Is The Time Right For This SmallCap?

THE TIME IS NEVER RIGHT FOR SMALLCAPS.

13. are you man enough?

For what? I reckon I can do anything a man can do, except the things that involve sticking my cock in things.

14. where did you go

To the loo. Nothing interesting. Going to make coffee in a minute.

15. Would you like to meet girls?

Yeah! Totally. I mean, I already meet girls, but I'm always happy to meet more. ... Especially if they're hot chyxx0rs.

16. Need something?

Yes.

17. Lo0king for cheap high-quality s0ftware?

Not particularly; I think my software needs are adequately met by the stuff I already have.

18. Can you be trusted?

I like to think so. I don't lie to the people I love, I do my best to keep promises (or rather I try not to make promises I may not be able to keep), and while I'm fairly disorganised I do usually get important things done if I've said I'll do them. Though a lot of the little things seem to be falling by the wayside at the moment. Mind you, so do some of the big things, but that's not for want of trying to hang on to them.

19. HR Online or on the line?

Online, please.

20. Tired of online dating?

Never tried it. I suspect I'd get tired of it very quickly.

21. have you seen the matrix

Yes. It rocks. Unfortunately, the sequel was shite, so much so that I never bothered to see the threequel.

22. feel you got ripped off in universitty?

Well, at least I learned to spell "university". Which is more than some of the applicants who email us can manage.

But seriously: no, I don't feel I got "ripped off". I don't feel I made the most of the opportunities I had there, but I made some use of them, I learned a lot of things I wouldn't have learned otherwise, and I enjoyed at least some of my time there.

23. meds?

No thanks, I'm trying to give them up.

24. is your wife fulfilled?

I don't have a wife. If I had one, I'd do my best to keep her fulfilled.
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Comments
lnr From: lnr Date: September 1st, 2004 08:41 am (UTC) (Link)
*applause*
ewx From: ewx Date: September 1st, 2004 08:55 am (UTC) (Link)

never bothered to see the threequel

I can't say you missed a great deal.
(Deleted comment)
ewx From: ewx Date: September 1st, 2004 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: never bothered to see the threequel

It would have been so much better. They should have made the Star Wars prequels be the Matrix trilogy.
uon From: uon Date: September 1st, 2004 09:08 am (UTC) (Link)
If I had one, I'd do my best to keep her fulfilled.


I haven't stopped beating mine yet.

j4 From: j4 Date: September 1st, 2004 09:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Dammit! I was trying to figure out how to work that into my answer, but gave up.
acronym From: acronym Date: September 1st, 2004 09:13 am (UTC) (Link)
men talk to women so they can sleep with them


Do we? This must be where I'm going wrong. :)

(In all seriousness, this is a *great* post. Countermemetics is a fantastic neologism too.)

As for the Matrix threequel; it has the longest death sequence this side of Wagnerian opera, and it features much less of Trinity in black leather than the other two, therefore it's rubbish. [1]

- A (you learn something new every day)

[1] I am slightly more subtle than this suggests, but it's close.
ewx From: ewx Date: September 2nd, 2004 05:17 am (UTC) (Link)
*fx: hands acronym a club*
From: kaet Date: September 1st, 2004 12:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
BTW, have you seen spamusement.com? :)
ghirlracer From: ghirlracer Date: September 1st, 2004 03:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Brilliant! :) I'm very tempted to copy this for my journal - I'm a terminal plagiariser :)
imc From: imc Date: September 2nd, 2004 02:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
I reckon I can do anything a man can do, except the things that involve sticking my cock in things.

I should think a fair few of those are possible given a suitable prosthesis.

On the other hand I don't think you have much of a future as a bass…

Most of my spam doesn't seem to have questions in the subject line. All I can offer is "Sick of paying to much?"
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