Janet (j4) wrote,

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There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief

Karate lesson yesterday nearly turned into a philosophy lesson; I'm feeling increasingly detached from everything I do, and finding it hard to stay motivated, and I wanted to talk to sensei about this in the context of the karate. Unfortunately this got into a general discussion of how to maintain motivation in life, and I just wasn't in a fit state to deal with that. However the impending existential crisis was neatly averted by doing some work on the yellow belt geri wasa, and starting to learn the green belt one. I love the way the philosophy interacts with the physical; though I think on this occasion the physical work did me more good than the discussion would have done. Sensei commented at the end, though, that it's the same lesson whether we get there by talking or by kicking, punching, etc.; I'm starting to see what he means.

Slightly mopey evening in the pub afterwards; everybody seemed to be either too tired for much conversation (though I did have a nice chat with ewx) or too busy elsewhere to talk to me. Or perhaps it was just that, as usual, I was being loud, predictable, unfunny, and generally not somebody that anybody would want to talk to, despite what they may claim when they're trying to make me feel better.

Finding it hard to feel happy even though some good stuff is happening -- namely friends who were falling out horribly seem to have sorted out their differences and got their lives back in sync. I honestly am glad for them, it's just hard to change how I feel within myself.

Party alert:
Despite all this, sion_a and I seem to have agreed to host an Emergency Lack of Party Party tomorrow. You know the drill: our place, party o'clock.
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