Janet (j4) wrote,

Learning to cry for fun and profit

No food in the house. No energy to go out and buy food, or to do anything interesting instead. Will probably be awake till 3am again now though because of the caffeine; I thought it would be worth staying awake today, despite the sore throat and cough and cold, despite the tiredness.

Currently bidding on things I can't afford on eBay, so that I get new email when I get outbid.

* * *

I love this user icon, I can still remember the crackly heat of the room where the photo was taken, dry and thick and heavy. The dusty blinds, the pools of sunlight, the hard floors. The room was a hollow shell, a skin that somebody else's life had sloughed off, used and discarded and empty.

In so many of my memories I'm only an onlooker, a recorder of detail; I wish I could achieve the same distance from the here and now. But the only thing I can do is keep shuffling off my memories into the past, faster and faster, until there's nothing here in the room with me but dust and heat and light.

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