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Odd. Most odd. - shadows of echoes of memories of songs — LiveJournal
j4
j4
Odd. Most odd.
I phoned up to tell the NHS that I wasn't going to attend the interview for that job I was dithering about ... and then told them that I would be attending. I just changed my mind somewhere between dialing the number and actually getting to the reason for my call.

I think it's partly that Cogwheel have finally got round to finding me a counselling appointment that I can actually get to, and it's at lunchtime on the same day; so I think some part of my brain said "Might as well take the day as holiday and do both things". Actually, I was hoping to work at home instead, but Cynical Richard says he'd rather I didn't. Maybe he's getting wise to the fact that I'd just sit there livejournalling the whole time. :-/

Basically though I don't really know why I did it, and now I'm having second thoughts about it already, and I feel even more confused. I guess I could always ring them back a couple of days later and pretend I've been offered another job since then, so I won't be doing the interview...

***

As regards the other poll, the one about my birthday... I'm really starting to tend towards the "don't do the seminar, have the party WHEN I GODDAMN WANT IT" side of the argument. The seminar is expensive and given the way I'm feeling at the moment I don't know if I'd get that much out of it. I think in a way I'd rather just have a long weekend with a bloody great party in the middle of it.

Still not totally decided yet though. God, why am I such a useless heap of indecision at the moment?
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Comments
reddragdiva From: reddragdiva Date: March 19th, 2003 09:28 am (UTC) (Link)
"God, why am I such a useless heap of indecision at the moment?"

Erm, because you're depressed and everything seems pointless? You don't need to beat yourself up about it as well.
j4 From: j4 Date: March 19th, 2003 10:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Um, I suspect if I could avoid the beating-myself-up-about-things I'd be halfway to not being depressed...

The symptoms of depression depress me. I know that's really circular, but it's true. I just want to be well, goddamnit. I want to wake up one morning and not feel like shit. I guess that's a lot to ask of the world. :-/
reddragdiva From: reddragdiva Date: March 19th, 2003 02:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
*sigh* Yep, been there, done that. Sorry for not saying something more helpful ;-)
bopeepsheep From: bopeepsheep Date: March 19th, 2003 09:34 am (UTC) (Link)
As regards the other poll, the one about my birthday... I'm really starting to tend towards the "don't do the seminar, have the party WHEN I GODDAMN WANT IT" side of the argument. The seminar is expensive and given the way I'm feeling at the moment I don't know if I'd get that much out of it. I think in a way I'd rather just have a long weekend with a bloody great party in the middle of it.

Still not totally decided yet though. God, why am I such a useless heap of indecision at the moment?


It's YOUR birthday, and YOUR party. You are entitled to be indecisive at this stage, since you have at least 3 weeks to decide yet. The essential thing is that you do what you want to do, and if you find yourself coming down on one particular side, go with it. But you can wait until you're sure before committing yourself, and no one would consider that uselessly indecisive. I personally wouldn't think it odd if you decided the seminar was something you really wanted to do and moved the party, it's not like it's something you can do every week either. OTOH if you changed the party date so you could go to the cinema I'd think that was a bit strange... :-)
From: ex_lark_asc Date: March 19th, 2003 11:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Why sabotage the fact that part of your mind is trying to give you an opportunity? Go along to the interview, see what they're like, see if you think the job would suit you. If you really think it wouldn't then you don't have to accept it should it be offered. (No, you really don't, however you feel about your present job).

Also thinking that abandoning the 'obligation' of the seminar and spoiling yourself with a big party could be good for you :)
j4 From: j4 Date: March 20th, 2003 02:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Why sabotage the fact that part of your mind is trying to give you an opportunity?

It's not so much that, it's that "go along to the interview" isn't the jolly little jaunt you seem to think it is. It's a lot of stress, a lot of hassle, preparation that I don't have time to do, a night of not sleeping and a morning of feeling physically sick. I'm still really not sure I want to go through that for a job I'm unlikely to want anyway. The only real point to it that I can see is practice -- maybe if I do more interviews, I won't feel so dreadful when it's an interview that I really do care about -- but I'm having trouble seeing it that way all the time.

Also, I've no idea how to tell if the job would suit me. Hell, I thought this job would suit me. They're obviously going to put a good spin on the job if they want somebody to take it; they're not going to say "This job will sap your will to live, make you unable to fight the dense atmosphere of apathy, so that 12 years from now you'll still be sitting at the same desk, still failing to find a better job elsewhere, and the only thing that will have changed is how bitter and disillusioned you are."
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