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A lemming entry - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
A lemming entry
Ask me a question that you think I will be reluctant to answer.

(Anonymous comments, as always, allowed.)

Current Mood: bored & curious

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(Deleted comment)
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 02:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Which is one of the reasons I'm interested to know what (if any) people think my touchy subjects or taboo areas might be...
emperor From: emperor Date: July 29th, 2004 08:12 am (UTC) (Link)
I could think of a few, but I think they'd probably be rather intrusive, and I'm not sure I really want to, IYSWIM. If I was going to find out the answer, I'd rather you told me because you wanted to.

Anyway, is that sort of question really what you wanted?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 08:14 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm just interested to know what (if anything) people might think I would be reluctant to answer, really.

And if I tell you anything it will be because (at some level) I want to tell you, or at least don't mind telling you. (Notice I didn't promise I'd answer all or indeed any of the questions!)
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 08:15 am (UTC) (Link)
<meta>What other questions would you be reluctant to answer?</meta>
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 03:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Other" suggests that I'm reluctant to answer this one...

I'm reluctant to answer questions at any further levels of meta-ness, because my head might implode. :)
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 08:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Are you expecting a specific person (or list of people) to ask a question?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 08:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Nope. Nor am I expecting specific questions, from specific people or otherwise. I really am just idly curious. (Or idle and curious, if you prefer.)
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 08:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Which way do you like it best?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 03:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Which way do I like what best?
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jiggery_pokery From: jiggery_pokery Date: July 29th, 2004 08:53 am (UTC) (Link)
If you had to rank every lover you have ever had in descending order of how much you enjoyed your sexual encounters with them, what would the order be?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 03:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oooh, nasty.

This is going to sound like a cop-out, but I'm really not sure I can answer that. They were all different! It'd be comparing apples and oranges, y'know? I mean, an apple is great when you want something crunchy and crisp and slightly tart, and an orange is great when you want something soft and juicy and peelable, but as for which is better...? No idea.

I've had very few sexual encounters that I haven't enjoyed, really. There was a bloke I slept with at college who had a beard (I don't normally like beards, though there have been exceptions to that rule) and I didn't really fancy him, I just slept with him because I was bored. He'd probably be at the bottom of the list. ... Other than him? I dunno. I've slept with friends and, well, enjoyed it in a fun-and-friendly way but not so much in a strongly sexual way. Depends what you mean by "enjoyed", really. I've slept with people who I've known were bad for me, known were hurting me and using me, but still enjoyed the sex at a purely physical (or as close to 'purely physical' as sex gets for me) level.

Um, okay, I am reluctant to answer this question -- it's a fair cop -- but mostly because I really don't want to hurt anybody.

Good question, though. Useful for the things I was trying to find out.
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jiggery_pokery From: jiggery_pokery Date: July 29th, 2004 08:53 am (UTC) (Link)
What are your parents' guilty secrets?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 09:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Uhm, if they're secrets, I don't know them, right? So I can't answer, whether I want to or not.

Trying to interpret this openly enough that I can answer it, though, I really don't think there's anything they've told me that is supposed to remain secret from other people. I suspect if they have any guilty secrets, they know how bad I am at keeping secrets & therefore wouldn't have told me in the first place...
jiggery_pokery From: jiggery_pokery Date: July 29th, 2004 08:54 am (UTC) (Link)
In order, what are the next 718,349 words of which you have thought?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 09:01 am (UTC) (Link)
I'd be quite happy to answer that but I'm not sure I'm capable of doing so! (And I certainly don't have time to sit here and list over 7,000 words right now...)
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 09:01 am (UTC) (Link)
How much money is in your bank account?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 09:05 am (UTC) (Link)
About 80 quid of ACTUAL POSITIVE MONEY, because I just got paid. Can't find my internet banking number or I'd give you the exact figure! Normally? About -£1500 of overdraft.

I've never understood the taboo on talking about money, possibly because I've never had enough money to care.
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 09:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Is sorrel goth?

What's wrong with your arms?

Should we like you like we do?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 03:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mu.

Nothing, they work fine.

Well, that depends how you like me. If you like me in a kind of freaky stalkerish way, then NO! NO! Gerroff! If you like me in a wanting-to-talk-to-me-and-buy-me-cake kind of way, then definitely.
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 09:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Is science fiction better than other fiction? (sorrel, moo, baah etc)
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 09:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Does it count as being "reluctant to answer" if you think the question is fundamentally flawed? (Have you stopped beating your wife?)

I think the short answer is "no, but nor is science fiction any worse than other fiction, and I think there are false or at least unhelpful assumptions informing the phrasing of the question".
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 09:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Why don't you, ah, get much relief that way?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 03:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
The short answer: I can't get much relief "that way" without the use of additional implements because my fingers are too bloody short. :)

The longer answer: a lot of the things that really do it for me just don't work as solo projects. It's difficult to tease yourself, even more difficult to play mind-games with yourself. It's ... things that are about dynamics between people, so you can't really recreate it between one person. (There is no "between" with just one person!) And the, the, [hunts for words] ... the shape of the way I get turned on is complicated, and generally I really just don't have time/energy to work through all of those levels, so I usually end up still feeling frustrated.

I've only just realised that a lot of that boils down to "I'm too lazy". :) It's like cooking, really; if I'm cooking for/with somebody else, I'll put the effort into making a decent meal, maybe even with multiple courses. If I'm cooking for myself it's takeout pizza or microwave meals for one. Stops you starving, but it doesn't make you feel sated. Maybe I should make more effort for myself. But really I'd rather have the company.
karen2205 From: karen2205 Date: July 29th, 2004 09:09 am (UTC) (Link)
Why are you so hard on yourself?

From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 09:10 am (UTC) (Link)
... and why did I think that question had a hyphen?
hairyears From: hairyears Date: July 29th, 2004 10:41 am (UTC) (Link)
What are the things about yourself that you know you can change, and want to?
What are the things that you are reluctant to answer?
Who do you wish would stop posting here?
Which post do you most regret posting?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 03:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
1. - Dependence on others -- I don't want to remove it, but I want to lessen it. I believe I can, but I also believe it's going to take time.
- Avoidance. I know I can work harder and not faff so much, I know I can get things done when they need doing. I just need to do so.
- My bitchy streak. I want to get to a point where just because I can think of a really nasty thing to say, doesn't mean I have to say it. I'm getting there, slowly.
- Tendency to sulk when I'm cross with people. I can always snap myself out of it (and apologise) eventually, and the snap-out time is getting shorter, but I want to get it shorter still.

2. I'm reluctant to answer questions which involve giving away other people's secrets; I'm reluctant to answer questions which involve choosing between things I don't see a need to choose between.

3. Nobody!

4. I've deleted the ones I've regretted most. Mostly just whinges that I've realised were very unconstructive. Out of the ones I allowed to remain... I regret posting the really positive and happy stuff about getting the conditional job offer from ACRE, because once I'd put all that hope into words it made it so much more concrete, and thus so much worse when they took it away from me again, & believe me it was bad enough anyway. I regret posting unhappy stuff about other people, because it never makes things any better.
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 29th, 2004 01:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
What's the thing in your past that you are most ashamed about?

What fantasy would you least want to act out in reality?
j4 From: j4 Date: July 29th, 2004 04:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ashamed about... that's tricky. I will have to think about that.

Fantasies... um. [thinks] The difficulty here is that most of my fantasies come (directly or indirectly) from things I've read, and if people write things well enough I can get really into them even if they're things I'd never have fantasised about off my own bat. I'm too steeped in the things I've read now to be able to imagine what I would have fantasised about without having read the things I've read. So I'm not sure what counts as fantasies 'of mine' ... gah. Overanalysing.

I wouldn't want to act out anything involving animals; I'm curious, and in books it often sounds great, but in real life, well, ICK HAIRY SMELLY GREAT THINGS UGH UGH UGH. I don't really like many animals very much, in real life.

Most of the other things I fantasise about I would like to be able to act out in reality if it were possible to do so without more risk and/or permanent damage than I'm prepared to accept, IYSWIM.

Interesting questions! Thank you.
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