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Spaces - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
Spaces
I told Sensei last night that I wanted to take a couple of weeks off doing karate lessons. I haven't been giving the lessons my best efforts for some time now, and I think I need to take some time out to decide whether I want to carry on. Carrying on half-heartedly is no good to anybody; I'm either going to go back with renewed energy and determination, or not go back at all.

I'm doing the same with Portfolio (singing group). I've already begged off working at Oxfam this Saturday because I'm busy this weekend, so it'd be a bit awkward to ask Oxfam if they mind me missing another couple of weeks as well, but I may still have to -- I'll see how I feel. (I'm keeping up with orchestra because it'll be harder to go back if I miss too many rehearsals.)

Why am I doing all this?

More and more I feel as though the only thing that's keeping me going is momentum; I feel as though somebody's pushed me down a steep slope and I'm running -- well, tripping over my own feet in a vaguely forwards direction -- because otherwise I'd fall flat on my face. I need to stop, somehow, and work out what the hell I'm doing with my life. I need to make deliberate and considered choices to do the things that I want to do, rather than just carrying on mindlessly with everything that I'm already doing.

I know I can get the momentum back again if I want to for things that are worth it; now it's just a question of deciding what's worth it.

Current Mood: uncomfortably numb

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Comments
d_floorlandmine From: d_floorlandmine Date: March 9th, 2004 05:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
[hugs] [concentrates] [wonders whether steep slope has flattened out at all to allow you to decide what direction to accelerate in] [doubts whether so-far-non-evident psychic powers will have spontaneously developed enough to be any use] [gives up, and aims another [hug] instead]
From: rmc28 Date: March 10th, 2004 03:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Stopping doing things is something I find very hard. But necessary.
julietk From: julietk Date: March 10th, 2004 05:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Stopping and considering what you're doing sounds like a very sensible option. I know it's easy to get caught up in carrying-on-with-stuff. Good luck, & let me know if you need help, or not-Cambridge space, or return tea-bag-parcels :-), or anything. [hugs]
vinaigrettegirl From: vinaigrettegirl Date: March 11th, 2004 03:10 am (UTC) (Link)

Momentum and mountains

Collect your mum and go to Switzerland with her for the w/e.
j4 From: j4 Date: March 11th, 2004 04:33 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Momentum and mountains

Um... this is a nice idea, but it would never work. She hates that kind of impulsive thing -- she'd want to know about something like that weeks in advance; she also hates flying, I think she figures it's worth it for a couple of weeks away but having to fly twice in such a short time-frame would probably just make her stressed; she doesn't like going away at weekends anyway really because they're the only time she gets time to do general life-maintenance stuff, and as it is half her weekends are already spoken for at the moment with lectures/field-trips/etc. for the Archaeology course she's doing.

*sigh*
vinaigrettegirl From: vinaigrettegirl Date: March 11th, 2004 05:14 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Momentum and mountains

? worth asking her anyway jus to see what happens (the payoff might be years down the road, who knows); ? Lorna?

Of course, I accept I might possibly slightly envy the fact that you can go alone. Grass being greener on t'other side, etc. etc., etcetera. :-)

j4 From: j4 Date: March 11th, 2004 05:43 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Momentum and mountains

Could ask my mum, but I really don't think it's likely. My parents don't really do holidays, to be honest (though in my dad's case it's because he doesn't like travelling; sunshine; the outdoors in general; food; or people). I don't get the impression that either of them find the whole "holiday" thing particularly fun/relaxing.

Lorna might want to go to Switzerland (though she categorically won't fly -- she's terrified of it -- so we'd have to go by train or coach) but she'd probably rather go on holiday with her boyfriend. Which is fair enough -- I'd rather go on holiday with my boyfriend, too. :-/
vinaigrettegirl From: vinaigrettegirl Date: March 11th, 2004 06:05 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Momentum and mountains

Hey, it's a w/e trip to Family Turf, for a bit of possibly even silent [Dad's turf, there?] companionship whilst you stand and stare. Holidays are different, you do them with boyfriends or the girlies or whatever. But then I never understood the Coupledom thing ("she'd rather be with the boyfriend") anyway; the journey was always the thing and the Best Companion was whoever was right for that journey: ranging from nobody at all to Best Mate to Mater to SO if available to business colleague.

If the journey doesn't appeal then no worries about companions. If it does appeal, then go. You can ask your mom and if she takes the opportunity to say 'no' then she does, fair do's, you can still go. If she says yes, great.

Good luck with the momentum project, though.
From: (Anonymous) Date: March 11th, 2004 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Momentum and mountains

terrified? no, just horribly airsick... and would love to go if had more time :-) If you want to tempt parents away for a weekend or so, try suggesting Iceland...

(did I scare you by posting btw?!)
j4 From: j4 Date: March 12th, 2004 01:36 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Momentum and mountains

Oh, hello. :) You seemed scared of the whole flying thing last time we all flew together, mind you that could've been because daddy & I were swapping plane crash jokes ...

Do you want to go on holiday some time, then? Weekend away somewhere? I don't mind driving if it's not too far, or there's coaches/trains/whatever.

Iceland strikes me as a bit expensive for a weekend (or any time!) away. Unless El Cheapo airlines do flights there now? They didn't last time I looked, but that was a few years ago.

(And nah, you didn't scare me... everybody ends up on LJ in the end, it was only a matter of time!)
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