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Out of site - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
Out of site
I'm back from Glastonbury. No, I didn't wuss out because of the rain: my mum got a phone call last night to say my dad had collapsed in town & been taken into hospital. Now, he has done this a couple of times before, & if it's like the other times, they will do loads of tests, find nothing wrong with him, but ban him from driving for a year anyway. :-/ And my mum did get to speak to him and reassure herself that he was kind of okay (mildly confused and extremely pissed off, which is what you'd expect from any sane person being forced to spend time in a hospital). But obviously my mum had to go home, and I didn't like leaving her to drive all the way back on her own when she hadn't had anything proper to eat and was obviously still worried and shaky (note to self: "I'll be fine" is probably about as unconvincing when I do it, hmm), and to be honest, when it came to making a decision this morning, I realised I didn't much like the idea of spending three days trying to 'find the fun' in a field full of rain while worrying about things back home.

And, okay, let's be honest, the decision was kind of made easier by the fact that if I'd stayed I a) wouldn't've been able to get home in a hurry easily, and b) wouldn't've been able to get home on Sunday night as planned, causing exponentially increasing amounts of faff; and the fact that it was pouring down with rain and the site was already turning into the now-miserably-familiar mudbath; and the fact that my slightly-twisted ankle (ricked it while running on Tuesday, just the usual fall-on-the-side-of-it thing) was getting worse already from slogging across uneven fields, despite bandages and wellies; and.... well, you know when you start to think "look, someone's trying to tell me something here"? I'd just about got to that stage when I managed to tip half a kettlefull of boiling water over my bare leg (while trying to have a calming cup of coffee in brrm's camper-van). Ow.

Anyway, brrm was very very sweet and promised he would look after me if I stayed, but I think I'd've been coping rather than actually having fun, and frankly I had enough of that at Glasto last year, staggering round with a bagful of aches and a little black fail-cloud over my head; and while not exactly wanting to do the Captain Oates thing, I decided it was probably more sensible to a) look after my mum for a bit if she'd let me, and b) look after myself a bit, and c) not make other people feel they had to try to look after me instead of having fun. And actually when we got back to Oxford and we'd had lunch and more coffee, my mum admitted that she had been grateful for the company on the drive home, and I felt like I had done the right thing really.

Though now I feel sort of nebulously and irrationally guilty, but can't entirely put my finger on why. (No suggestions please: there's far too much likelihood that you'll think of some entirely new reason why I should feel guilty, and I don't need any help in that department!)

Anyway, all this is really just to explain why I'm here & not there, so, y'know.... as you were. Hope you're not getting too rained on whatever you're up to at the moment.
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Comments
cleanskies From: cleanskies Date: June 27th, 2008 01:51 pm (UTC) (Link)

festivals, pah

Ah well, if you are around this weekend, and not too busy looking after folks perhaps you'd be up for a drink or something? Comic for beer!
j4 From: j4 Date: June 29th, 2008 09:18 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: festivals, pah

Eep, sorry, didn't see this in time to be able to reply usefully... but beer/comics definitely a good thing and should be arranged at some point. Yes.

(BTW talking of beer, does the usual crowd still meet at the usual place after Saturday afternoon bookshoppery?)
cleanskies From: cleanskies Date: June 30th, 2008 01:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: festivals, pah

> does the usual crowd still meet at the usual place after Saturday afternoon bookshoppery?

Yes we do, Eagle and Child at 6 or thereabouts
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brightybot From: brightybot Date: June 29th, 2008 07:42 am (UTC) (Link)
shout if there are scrabble pub activities please!
brightybot From: brightybot Date: June 29th, 2008 07:43 am (UTC) (Link)
ps I have discovered the delights of alcohol-free beer, although I doubt the harcourt would stock it :)
j4 From: j4 Date: June 29th, 2008 09:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Eep, sorry, as per comment to cleanskies above, wasn't really watching LJ and didn't see this in time to do useful things with it. Pub and scrabble good idea, though. (There is a definite "pub" theme developing here.)
liadnan From: liadnan Date: June 27th, 2008 01:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
My sympathies. This is almost the first time (one other exception) since 1991 (that there's been a Glastonbury) that I haven't gone, mainly because last year for the first time I didn't feel as though I was having fun. Have been mildly regretting it for the last couple of days but I think it was probably the right call. What's the point of sticking with it just for the sake of it, because "I always do Glastonbury", if it's not actually fun?
kjaneway From: kjaneway Date: June 27th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey. Hope everything turns out OK with your dad.

Sounds like you made the right decision to come home, though.
emperor From: emperor Date: June 27th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* I remember when Dad was ill when I was trying to have a walking holiday, and it sucked royally.
(Deleted comment)
ultraruby From: ultraruby Date: June 27th, 2008 02:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like you made the exact right decision. I hope your dad (and your mum, and you) are doing ok, and that you find other good stuff to do this weekend instead.
crazyscot From: crazyscot Date: June 27th, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
my mum admitted that she had been grateful for the company on the drive home, and I felt like I had done the right thing really

Trust your instincts. I think you made the right call. *hugs*
aardvark179 From: aardvark179 Date: June 27th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think you made the right decision, and I'm sure there will be plenty more wet Glastonburies in e future.
(Deleted comment)
vinaigrettegirl From: vinaigrettegirl Date: June 27th, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
"But I gave/joy to my mother/I made/my lover smile./ I can give comfort/to my friends when they're hurtin'/And make it feel better/for a while."

You did the right thing, no question about it; and maybe it isn't guilt so much as a bit of sadness, because you and they just aren't so young any more, and doing the right thing means more than it used to.
j4 From: j4 Date: June 29th, 2008 09:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

Reasons for sadness

I think there's a lot of truth in that.

*sigh*
atreic From: atreic Date: June 27th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* Sounds like you were sensible and did a Right Thing.
sion_a From: sion_a Date: June 27th, 2008 03:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
8-(
Get well wishes, although I can imagine him saying "There's nothing wrong for me to get well from."
atommickbrane From: atommickbrane Date: June 27th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nice burdy icon!

Hope pa and the rest of you are bearing up well xx
j4 From: j4 Date: June 29th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
However did you guess. :-} He says he's fine, and there was absolutely no need for my mum and me to come home, yada yada. *rolls eyes*
From: kaet Date: June 27th, 2008 04:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
I hope your dad recovers soon. I hear Endorse It In Dorest is fun.
livredor From: livredor Date: June 27th, 2008 04:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
IME it's one of the worst decisions to have to make, to give up something you expected to be fun because circumstances change and make it not fun any more. That particular flavour of guilt is quite familiar to me. But supporting your mother is at least as important as fulfilling your intentions and sticking it out to find the fun in an uncomfortable situation.

Um, this sounds like I expect you to care whether I approve of you or not. Obviously it's none of my business at all. The main point is that I am sympathetic, and that I'm thinking of you and your family, and I'm sorry to hear that Glastonbury didn't work out.
juggzy From: juggzy Date: June 27th, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you weren't going to enjoy it, you were better off out of it.
the_elyan From: the_elyan Date: June 27th, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nothing original, but I also think you made the right call. It took me a long time to recognise that not going to something when I wasn'ty in the right frame of mind for it was better than going and being, in one way or another, unhappy.

And you have a very valid reason for not being there, and you were able to make other people feel better, and be useful, and it sounds like you feel better.

So no guilt required, as far as I can see - but then I can't climb into your head, so what would I know?

*hugs*
glittertigger From: glittertigger Date: June 27th, 2008 06:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like a good decision. Hope your Dad is OK.
jiggery_pokery From: jiggery_pokery Date: June 27th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
What everyone else said; you made the right decision and warm thoughts to all of the j4 clan.
brightybot From: brightybot Date: June 29th, 2008 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Really hope all is well with your dad.
monkeyhands From: monkeyhands Date: June 29th, 2008 02:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
You totally made the right decision, and it was great (if totally unexpected!)seeing you yesterday.

I did read the bit where you said "no reasons to feel guilty pls" but: I think there is a feeling of guilt you get when you're supposed to be enjoying something and you can't, even when you have a really good reason to not be enjoying it.

The main thing is that you're a good person and you did the right thing on all levels.
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