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Look at the pictures and the cutlery - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
Look at the pictures and the cutlery
Yesterday I intended to use my day off to: take delivery of a piano; remind myself how to play it; ship a car-load of stuff from the old house to the new house; catch up on some boring paperwork; tidy the house a bit; and still have time to enjoy a cup of tea and a book. It was all so plausible.

Still, I suppose making it as far as point three on one's to-do list counts as some kind of a success.

After about 6 hours of packing and ferrying, I think all my belongings are now in the house where I live, with the exception of: a dining table, a double bed, a 'spinner'-style shop display unit, a sofa-bed, a set of three nested tables, a filing cabinet, an ironing board, an uplighter, and a bookcase full of sheet music.

When I finally got home and got all the stuff inside the house, I took one look at the heaps of junk and cried, and we gave up and went to the pub. It was all still there when we got back, but I closed my eyes and pretended I couldn't see it. There are two swords on the piano-stool, and half a dozen boxes on the spare bed, and at least one monitor on the landing, and I can't see any of the surfaces for putting things on or sitting on any more. This morning I had to climb over a heap of computers which looked like some kind of national monument to technical obsolescence, just to get to my work bag.

It's not so much that this influx of stuff is totally unexpected, as that I didn't expect to have to deal with it all so quickly. But S's girlfriend has decided she's sick of seeing the filthy pawprints of his Evil Ex all over their house, and I was getting sick of the guilt-trips anyway, so I suppose it's for the best. And my parents have kindly offered to store some of the stuff in their house (bigger than our house, though smaller than S's house) until I have the time/energy to sort it all out. They may even have room for the dining table and sofa-bed in their garage.

This morning I woke up at 6am and couldn't hear next-door's baby yelling. Maybe I just wake up at that time anyway (and it's a complete coincidence that I can usually hear the kid screaming when I do) because for some reason my body has decided that it would prefer to be exhausted and headachey all the time? I've got an river of tiredness running constantly behind my eyes, a sluggish brown river full of burnt-out cars and old shopping trolleys and used needles, and it's been there for about a decade, and it doesn't go away.

As for the admin, I suppose there's always the Easter weekend. That's quite soon now, isn't it? Please say it's soon.
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Comments
angua From: angua Date: March 17th, 2006 01:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
But S's girlfriend has decided she's sick of seeing the filthy pawprints of his Evil Ex all over their house, and I was getting sick of the guilt-trips anyway, so I suppose it's for the best.

I obviously don't know the full circumstances but you have been separated for a significant amount of time so I don't think it entirely unreasonable that all of your belongings now reside with you.
j4 From: j4 Date: March 17th, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
I moved out about 6 months ago (we separated long before that, but carried on housesharing). I still technically owned half of the house until about a month ago; I've now signed it all over to him.

It really wasn't practical to move the amount of stuff that I had (which had expanded to fill the vast house I lived in) into the tiny new house all in one go, and sion_a was happy at first for me to move things in batches. Which was very kind of him, and he certainly had no obligation to do that; I'm grateful for it (and have always said as much to him) and in return I've been keeping the moving-stuff-out going at a steady pace.

We should have agreed a set date by which I'd move everything out. We didn't. And yes, I'm sure you would have been infinitely more sensible in my place, and wouldn't mind at all having to spend 6 hours packing.

However, I didn't think there was any hurry to move the furniture which Sion was actually using until/unless he replaced it with other furniture of his own. I mean, I moved the furniture into that house to furnish that house, and since I'm still on good terms with the person who owns that house I thought it seemed fair to leave him the furniture rather than leaving him with an empty house. (AIUI, he's still happy to use things like the dining-table and the nested tables, but she isn't.)

Do you actually still read my journal, by the way, or did somebody send you over here to snipe at me? I ask only because it's slightly surprising that the only time you bother to comment is the one time I whinge slightly about something. (Particularly rich given that I stopped reading your journal because it was 95% whinging!)
angua From: angua Date: March 17th, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Do you actually still read my journal, by the way, or did somebody send you over here to snipe at me? I ask only because it's slightly surprising that the only time you bother to comment is the one time I whinge slightly about something. (Particularly rich given that I stopped reading your journal because it was 95% whinging!)

Up until now I had read everything you'd written. I don't comment much because most of your writing is prose and I don't feel the need to. Good to know you have such a high opinion of whatever I'm wittering about on my lj so fuck you too.

And goodnight.
j4 From: j4 Date: March 17th, 2006 06:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Er, it's all prose. I can't remember the last time I posted in verse!

Anyway, I basically stopped reading your LJ after you accused me of "causing your depression" and then flounced me off all your sooper-seekrit filters. I honestly thought you'd stopped reading my journal at the same time.

On the other hand, if the only thing you can think of to say to me is one sideswipe in as many years, then mutual not-reading is probably no great loss to either of us. Have a nice huff, and good luck with all your future relationships and house-moves.
angua From: angua Date: March 17th, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Honey, I don't have super secret filters. I have a diet one, a depression one and there one more for very close friends but I don't really use that.

I don't believe I've ever accused you of causing my depression but hey, I don't remember not accusing you of it either so who knows.
j4 From: j4 Date: March 17th, 2006 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sweetcakes, I don't make comments like that up. I only remembered because it was so incredibly unfair, and pretty bloody hurtful at the time. (Not being a stalker, though, I haven't got your journal and all comments on it indexed by keyword, so I can't prove it either way.) But hey, depressives aren't always reasonable, and I don't hold it against you.
vinaigrettegirl From: vinaigrettegirl Date: March 17th, 2006 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Having to deal with it all so quickly IS hard, I agree. And the quickly bit is in our heads. I was the same way about 'II's stuff, which he had every right to get out of storage, but we didn't (and don't) have the space arranged for what there is, and the Getting Rid of One Lot before the next wave comes in feels like drowning.

And it's also hard when the belongings in any way whatsoever represent more of a separation which hurt when it happened a great deal, and when in some way it feels like unfinished business - even if you know, know, know, it's Moving On Time and you HAVE to finish the business.

PostSecret: I still have stuff at my exity-ex-ex-ex Not At All Good For Me Boyfriend's. It has been at least 12 years. But he still has my old DPhil undress gown and loans it to his current GF *and she knows it used to be mine and told me so* when I last saw them together.

Life is more complicated than some people think, and "reasonable" isn't always a word which can apply to *feelings* when you have them.
j4 From: j4 Date: March 17th, 2006 06:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

Not waving...

the Getting Rid of One Lot before the next wave comes in feels like drowning

Exactly. :-/

unfinished business

That too. I was so happy for S when he started seeing his gf, and I was caught up in NRE of my own, and it (naively) didn't occur to me that she'd resent my continued presence in his life that much, because as far as I was concerned my role in his life was more friend/former-housemate than Evil Ex-Girlfriend, and it's not possible (let alone sane/sensible) to stop people having had previous housemates, or having friends.

And I certainly didn't think that stuff-which-for-me-was-non-emotional (like dining tables, FFS!) would be signs of Keeping My Mark On Him or whatever. I mean, it's just furniture. She obviously can't stand me, though -- if she was a cat her hackles would rise and all her fur would stand on end as soon as I walked in the room -- and that saddens me. I don't know her that well, but she seems really nice, and she's obviously so good for S. I just hope I'll still be able to see him from time to time without it causing Issues with her. I suppose, though, the relationship I had with S seems much more recent to her than it does to me, because I've done the getting-over-it bit for longer than she's had to get over the fact that he's still on speaking terms with his ex, IYSWIM.

I mean, I think being on friendly terms with exes is a good thing in a partner. Suggests that they're a friendly person who doesn't bear grudges and is capable of resolving differences amicably.

I only still have stuff at S's house because until a month ago it was still partly my house and he had agreed that stuff could stay there for the time being. As I said above, we should have set a deadline, because as it was it felt like I was suddenly being told "the deadline's up now" when I didn't know there was a deadline. I know that, but 20/20 hindsight is about as much use as an underwater fire-extinguisher.

*sigh*






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