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Task and it shall be given unto you - shadows of echoes of memories of songs
j4
j4
Task and it shall be given unto you
Dear j4,

You may have noticed over the past couple of days that actually doing work -- however pointless and dull the work may be -- is more satisfying and even sometimes more interesting than messing about on the web. You may also have noticed that once you start doing something, it's no longer hanging over you like a bloody great raincloud. This greatly increases overall productivity in the department of Not Feeling Like Shit. (Work produced for this department is generally considered to be its own reward, but you may wish to claim a small bonus from the chocolate machine as a token of appreciation.)

While whittling your inbox down from 1600+ messages to 350-odd and trying to tidy up several months' worth of loose ends, you may also have noticed that in some ways you are actually more conscientious about your work than certain other people in your vicinity, in that you occasionally give a damn about doing things that you said you'd do, and getting things finished within a finite time-frame. I wish to emphasise that this is not something about which to feel guilty. Also, while you may feel that the respective salaries of yourself and said certain-other-person do not always adequately reflect the division of labour (nor the division of Time Actually Spent In The Office), you are reminded that you have enough money to eat, clothe yourself, buy stupid things off the internet, and pay for cosmetic dentistry. You are therefore encouraged to stop whining already.

The inbox situation is not just an isolated side-project, but marks an encouraging development on the recent Being More Bloody Organised project. (Recent LiveJournal-based research into working practices has shown that being oh-I'm-so-disorganised is not interesting, and nobody is impressed.) While there is always further room for improvement, your attempts to streamline working processes in this area have not gone unnoticed.

The only area of your work that gives us serious cause for concern at the current time is your coffee consumption. May I venture to suggest that limiting your intake to 5 or fewer cups per day would probably provide you with adequate caffeine while still leaving you with a chance of sleeping, ever. Sleeping has been conclusively proven to have beneficial effects on employees' ability to work.

It remains only to thank you again for your contributions, and request that you read, mark, and inwardly digest the contents of this memo to facilitate further useful work on future occasions.

Yours,
j4

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Comments
oinomel71 From: oinomel71 Date: September 8th, 2005 10:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Hmmm... I don't suppose you could cc: oinomel71 on that one, could you? It's not a perfect fit, but there's enough for a flicker of recognition...
ultraruby From: ultraruby Date: September 8th, 2005 11:02 am (UTC) (Link)
Hear hear. I've been doing actual proper work these last few days, and despite the occasional boos-induced worries, it feels really good. New term feeling! Hoorah!
ultraruby From: ultraruby Date: September 8th, 2005 11:02 am (UTC) (Link)
boos? Boss! Argh.
From: ex_humanfema327 Date: September 8th, 2005 11:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Boobs?
ultraruby From: ultraruby Date: September 8th, 2005 11:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Argh!
j4 From: j4 Date: September 8th, 2005 11:11 am (UTC) (Link)
No thanks, I'm trying to give 'em up.
(Deleted comment)
From: ex_humanfema327 Date: September 8th, 2005 11:25 am (UTC) (Link)
She was all motivated there and ive brought down the tone.
Yeah you're right it makes you feel better for a bit. But then you talk to another idiot, and it all goes to pot again.
j4 From: j4 Date: September 8th, 2005 11:29 am (UTC) (Link)
My entire job is talking to idiots, and I managed to be motivated for a minute anyway! While doing work for an idiot!
j4 From: j4 Date: September 9th, 2005 11:25 am (UTC) (Link)
Just to clarify -- are these my boobs we're talking about, or boobs in general? Or specific third-party* boobs?

* that's "third-party" as opposed to "first date".
aardvark179 From: aardvark179 Date: September 8th, 2005 11:34 am (UTC) (Link)
It's all very well getting management memos as part of your internal dialog, but what happens when, "In the interests of continued competitiveness and efficiency we have decided outsource j4 to an external contractor. We plan a three month hand-over period for you to liaise with the chosen contractor, after which we plan to make you redundant. This letter constitutes official notice that you are at risk of being made redundant."
j4 From: j4 Date: September 8th, 2005 11:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Fantastic! If being j4 is outsourced to somebody else, I can get on with doing something more interesting. :-)
rysmiel From: rysmiel Date: September 8th, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
The revolution will not be outsourced.
ewx From: ewx Date: September 11th, 2005 11:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
The revolution will be reality TV.
anat0010 From: anat0010 Date: September 9th, 2005 09:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Memo from the HSE

It has recently come to my attention that many people on LiveJournal are indulging in the activity known as 'work'. Many reports have conclusively shown that work is detrimental to both physical and mental health. The Health and Safety Executive spends many hours investigating serious injuries and indeed deaths incurred during 'work' related activates. Work has conclusively been shown to be a major factor in days lost to stress and depression. It should be pointed out that the rate of serious injury rate for web related activities is negligible.

The issue is so severe that the government has felt it necessary to implement a mandatory work detox programme for all individuals aged 65 and over. Your local benefit office is available to provide financial support for all who have a serious work problem and wish to kick their habit (subject to fulfilling entrance criteria).

In addition to being a known health hazard, indulging in work frequently causes annoyance and resentment to those in the proximity of a 'worker'. If you are unable or unwilling to cease 'working' for your own sake, please consider the feelings of those around you and try and minimize your use of work.
j4 From: j4 Date: September 9th, 2005 11:29 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Memo from the HSE

I thought this was just tongue-in-cheek until the last paragraph, & now I'm not so sure...
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